This is what’s been floating around in my head for the past week. I need to clear it out to make room for more.
So it finally happened: someone shot someone else in a movie theater for being too loud. I can relate. I’ve never shot anyone in a movie theater, but I have gone so far as to stand up and yell at someone when repeated looks and shushes had no effect. And I’m not talking about a couple of people talking softly to each other. I’m talking about people talking at full volume all through a movie. It happens all the time.
I don’t understand what’s wrong with people. They’re just completely unaware of what’s happening around them, that they’re bothering people who are trying to pay attention to the movie. There are several types that I encounter over and over:
- Smart woman/dumb man (or vice-versa) – the Mensa half of the couple has to explain just about every plot point to her date so that he can follow along even a little bit.
- The man who knew too much (it’s just about always a man) – the know-it-all who has to proclaim to the theater what’s going to happen before it happens, no matter how obvious.
- Clueless parents (type 1) – I know how frustrating it can be when you have a new baby and want to get out of the house, and either you can’t afford a sitter or you’re breastfeeding and can’t leave the baby at home. But it’s not fair to make the rest of the theater suffer. If you’re not willing to race out of the theater with your screaming baby the moment it starts making noise, then do the rest of us a favor and stay home. A lot of theaters even have special afternoon shows just for you, where you can bring your kid and not worry about bothering everyone else, because they all have their kids. Not the romantic date you had in mind, I know, but it’s better than ruining my date.
- Clueless parents (type 2) – Perhaps you missed the day in your parenting class when they covered where you shouldn’t take your young children. Number one on the list? The latest profanity-laden, nudity-filled, R-rated movie. What’s that? You didn’t take a parenting class? Why am I not surprised. Perhaps I should be happy that your children aren’t paying attention to the movie, and are instead throwing popcorn and running up and down the aisles. That’s probably better (for them) than if they actually paid attention to the very adult content showing on the screen. But it sucks for the rest of us.
- Self-important phone guy (it’s just about always a guy) – You’re important. Know how I know? Because your phone keeps ringing and you take each and every call. I bet you also have a huge penis and drive a big truck.
- Clueless phone woman (it’s just about always a woman) – You’re dumb. Know how I know? Because your phone keeps ringing and even though it’s obvious you don’t want the calls, you never learned how to turn the ringer off. So each time, you fumble and offer up a lame apology to the rest of us. I’m willing to bet that you also respond to everyone when you mean to respond just to the sender, and you have to have your boyfriend set your TiVo every time you want to record a show.
- The small bladder club – you know who you are. Please just sit on the aisle.
- The “I’m in my living room” couple – you’re not even talking about the movie. You’re talking about what to have for dinner tomorrow and whether or not you should go camping next weekend. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
I’m not condoning even a little bit what this man did. I’m just saying I understand the urge.
An acquaintance of my sister sells these adorable hats (there are a bunch of animals to choose from, but I think this lion is my favorite). My sister has seen them in person and says that they’re really well made. I have no direct connection to this company, but I am a sucker for whimsical hats, and these look extra cute!
After some tough negotiations, my husband gave me an extra few weeks to get all of my stuff organized. Phew. Because there was no way I was going to finish by the end of the year. Not sure I’ll finish even with the extra time, but I’m going to give it my best shot.
Every year at Easter I buy Cadbury Mini Eggs. I buy at least a bag before Easter, and then as many half-price bags after Easter that I can find. I love them. When the last bag is gone I miss them and start thinking about next year’s bags. I’ve often found myself wishing that they were sold all year long, but really it’s probably a good thing they’re not.
Today, my mom presented me with a bag of Cadbury holiday chocolates that taste exactly like the Mini Eggs, but are round, and red and green. Now they’re available about half the year. I’m in trouble.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom