Dr. Phil is having the wrong discussion
Oct 15, 2009 What's Going On
I like Dr. Phil, but he’s still in show business
I’ve been watching The Dr. Phil Show from the beginning. From before the beginning, really, because I watched him on the Oprah Show before he had his own show (remember “Tuesdays with Dr. Phil”?). And I like him. He’s full of common sense. But when watching him you always have to remember that first and foremost, he’s in show business. Yesterday’s show was a case in point. It was a show pitting SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) against Working Moms, a sure ratings winner/conversation starter (his blog post on the subject had almost 600 comments, last time I checked). At least, I think that’s what it was conceived as, which would have been bad enough. I mean, do we really need to keep having this discussion? So when I was contacted to be on that particular show, I wanted to be the voice of “Can’t we all just get along and do what’s best for our own families?”
After three long phone discussions with two different producers, I was pretty sure I’d be making a whirlwind trip out to L.A. for the taping, and I started making arrangements for who was going to get my kids to and from summer camp (this episode taped in August). But in the end they decided they didn’t need me. After watching the show, I’m pretty sure I was “replaced” as the middle-of-the-road mom by Heather Armstrong, the queen of all Mommy Bloggers, and I can’t really blame them. She has a huge following. I wasn’t really disappointed, because while I’d love to be on the show, I’d prefer it be for something that I have a stronger opinion about (being the voice of reason is sensible, but it’s a hard position to argue with any passion).
Now that I’ve seen the show, I’m relieved that I wasn’t there. Instead of being SAHMs against working moms, it pretty much ended up being everyone in the room against Jessica Gottlieb, who took the position that if you can afford to stay home, but choose not to, then you shouldn’t have kids, period. You can imagine how that went over.
Jessica’s a friend of mine. We’ve met at a couple of blogging events and gotten to know each other, and despite the fact that I think most of the things she said on the show were ridiculous, I admire her for not pulling any punches. She knew that she was walking into the room with an unpopular opinion and she stuck to it (and there really wasn’t anyone in the audience capable of matching her debating skills, which is why they eventually brought a few of the show’s female staffers out to go against her). Being an outspoken voice of opposition works for her, if you’re measuring in blog traffic and media opportunities. She’s a big girl and she knows what she’s doing, and nobody should feel sorry for her getting ganged up on. It’s not her first time on the show and I’m positive it won’t be the last. If I ever end up on a show with her, I hope I can hold my own and that we can walk away still friends.
Let’s start asking different questions
I have no interest in jumping in to the discussion that’s going on about what’s best for kids, a mom who stays home or a mom who works or a combination. I know that I did what was right for me and my family. But what bothers me is that many – most? – businesses still operate as though most of their employees don’t have kids. I’m extraordinarily lucky in that I don’t have to work. Even though I’m blogging full time and taking advantage of other opportunities that stem from that, I can still control my own schedule and be there for the kids when I choose to be. The kind of work I’m doing is worlds away from a mom who is at the mercy of an employer.
What struck me about the Dr. Phil show was what his own staffers were saying about how their roles as moms are supported by their employer: not missing plays and special days, kids coming to work, it sounds wonderful! But unless I’m completely out of touch, it sounds rare. I know many women who had to keep their pregnancies secret until they were popping out of their clothes because they were afraid of what the repercussions at work might be. Many businesses still act like employees belong to the company from 8 to 6 because someone else is home waiting at the door with a cocktail and a foot rub for the one-and-only breadwinner. The world doesn’t work that way anymore.
So Dr. Phil, you have a lot of power and influence. Instead of using your platform to pit moms against each other in discussions that go round and round and don’t solve anything, I’m asking you to use your position to help empower moms in the workplace. The dilemmas that working moms face when they have a sick kid at home, or a school event they want to attend, or drop off and pick up issues, wreak havoc in moms’ lives (and don’t even get me started on the dads, they totally get the shaft because they’re often not even expected to be present and responsible for any of that).
The working world needs to wake up and face the fact that a huge portion of their workforce has another job waiting for them at home. This trend is only a few decades old, and they need to catch up. Moms who aren’t stressed about sick kids and schedules would be better employees. But how do moms approach their employers about better schedules and childcare without being looked at as just a mom who isn’t dedicated to her job? How about a show helping women navigate that? Or what about a show highlighting companies that help employees be good parents and have good careers at the same time? I’m sure they would have lots to share about how it’s helped the company as a whole.
Dr. Phil, you could really help women, and get good ratings at the same time. Maybe not quite as high as when you encourage fights between moms, but you’ve been saying all summer that you want to do shows this season that give people actionable steps to help improve their lives. I think we can all agree that the better cared for kids are, and the less stressed parents are, the better the world runs.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Heather Armstrong, Jessica Gottlieb, The Dr. Phil Show
Win tickets to The Big Apple Circus
Oct 15, 2009 Around NYC, Product Giveaway, Product Review
Why living in NYC is awesome
If you’re not in the NYC area right now, well, I feel bad for you, because that means you don’t get to experience the wonderfulness that is The Big Apple Circus. We took the kids a couple of years ago, and it was a blast.
I love this circus for several reasons:
- It’s set up in a way that no seat is more than 50 feet from the action.
- They don’t use big scary animals like lions and tigers, so you don’t have to worry that your child might see someone get ripped to shreds during the show. They don’t have elephants either. When we went, they had a horse, a dog, a cat, and if I remember correctly, a bird (unless I’m hallucinating it, the bird was riding on the cat, which was riding on the dog). Their emphasis is much more on human talent.
- The few animals they do use are well cared for.
- I can take the subway to the show and don’t have to fight traffic and deal with parking.
- One of my friends is a musician in the show, and I just like saying that I know someone in the circus.
The Big Apple Circus will be putting up its big tent at Lincoln Center from October 22nd 2009 to January 18th 2010. You can buy tickets here.
Win 4 tickets to The Big Apple Circus
I’ve been given tickets to the show for my family, and I get to give out another four to a lucky winner! The winner will get four mezzanine seats to a performance of The Big Apple Circus during its next NYC run (the winner will choose from a list of dates).
- To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment on this post saying what your favorite circus memory is. If you don’t have any circus memories, then you definitely need to enter so that you can make some!
- You can earn an additional entry by tweeting about the contest, with a link back to this post and the hashtag #BigAppleCircus. You can just copy and past this one if you want:
Win 4 tickets to The Big Apple Circus from @SelfishMom! http://bit.ly/2XB3dH #BigAppleCircus
Make sure to leave a separate comment with a link to your tweet!
So, that’s a maximum of two entries per household, please. The comments will close at noon-ish on Wednesday, October 21st and random.org will draw a winner. For complete rules, please see my Giveaway Rules page. Good luck!
UPDATE: Save up to $30 per ticket
The Big Apple Circus has just added a special “Mommy Blogger” savings code for certain performances – you can save up to $30 per ticket! There are three ways to purchase these special discounted tickets:
- Go to this special ticket page, click on the available dates, and use MOMMY10 in the promotional code box
- Call 888-541-3750 and mention code MOMMY10
- Go to the Big Top Box Office in Damrosh Park, open daily 10am-6pm (starting October 17th) and make sure to bring a copy of this blog page
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Big Apple Circus, Lincoln Center
Our Libby’s picnic basket winner is…
Oct 15, 2009 Product Giveaway
Lisa Harris! Congratulations Lisa.
This weather (cold and rainy here in Brooklyn) just does not make me think of picnics. But Lisa’s in Texas, so hopefully she’ll be able to use the picnic basket sooner rather than later.
Thanks, Libby’s!
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
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