[...] turns out it was a very good thing. According to the many, many blog posts about it — most filled with the kind of sharp emotion only the mommy wars [...]

I am also 100% with you on the fact that someone needs to do what works for them and their family. Period. I do believe people need to work to help people be more fulfilled in the workplace no matter WHAT that looks like. There is study upon study that a happy employee is a productive employee and that adds to the bottom line. So few companies take this to heart. Especially in times like these, where “catering” to the employee needs seems to be the last thing on an employer’s mind. But it should be the first thing, because at the end of the day the employees are the ones that will make or break your company.

Off my soapbox now. Thanks for a great post Amy!

It is so important for everyone to have options, whether you make the choice to stay-at-home and work (kids are a job!:) or to earn a paycheck outside the home. You’ve hit on a key point – employers nowadays are not as loving and benevolent as Dr Phil, and the options are limited in fighting them. This should be the issue that bridges the gap and causes us to join causes in a fight for family.

Several years ago, our non-profit organization appeared on the original two parts of Dr Phil’s Mommy Wars, and the spirit of togetherness was attempted to be portrayed, but as you stated, the show is about ratings, and after cuts and editing, no forward motion was achieved. (http://www.familyandhome.org/drphilshow.html)

I hope the day comes soon when we can stand up and demand choices, options, and inclusive policies for all moms (and dads).

Thanks again for a rational presentation!
Danielle
BoD, http://www.familyandhome.org

“Tough provoking”? No. Rage inducing, sure. “Intelligent”? No. Provocative and judgmental, of course…all keys for high numbers for all involved. Win-win…except for the stereotype now given to mothers and female relationships. Whatever, I will file “Mothers who work are a-holes” in with “Bi-racial and Gay couples shouldn’t marry”, “Women shouldn’t have abortions” and “People who are popular are smart”.

I’ve never been more than an audience member on a talk show, but I’ve been to dozens, and they all have one thing in common: it’s all about the show. During the taping, nobody really cares about the feelings of the guests or the studio audience. Cecily K. had a good post a few days ago about being an invited audience member on The Doctors.

If it’s not sick kids and school schedules, it’s a sick relative, or maybe even something good, not bad.

But I know it’s definitely a problem. There’s a book just out about women and feminism, “When Everything Changed” (it’s about how women’s rights didn’t change for 1000 years or so, and only did in the last few decades) by Gail Collins. I heard her interviewed the other day, and basically the interviewer and she were saying, we’ve grown accustomed to the idea that we all deserve a middle-class lifestyle: two cars, house, everyone can go to college. But now, in order to achieve that, for the most part, you need two incomes, and this more than anything has opened up the workplace for women. That’s all good but the one part we (society) neglected to address was — where are the kids all day, when everyone is working?

I can’t put it all on employers; they can’t always be as flexible as we’d like. Some can and don’t, and that’s crappy but — esp. right now — most places are really hurting. They’ve got to pay the bills and stay afloat, and can’t often accommodate everyone’s scheduling, or afford to provide daycare, even if they want to.

What’s the answer? Wish I knew. B/c I think it’s a bigger, more systemic problem to the way our society is currently set up, touching a lot of bases — expectation, consumption, attainability — with no easy fix.

Interesting topic

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by SelfishMom, Lee Vandeman. Lee Vandeman said: Great post & glad I missed the show RT @MarinkaNYC Excellent @SelfishMom post– is DrPhil having the wrong discussion? http://bit.ly/Q5eyD [...]

Yes, we should be making things easier for mothers because so many of us are in the workplace and it just makes good business sense. But what happens when the child-free feel that it is unfair that moms (and dads!) take time off to go to a school play, to a (non-emergency) pediatrician’s appointment, etc. They don’t get the same time off, because let’s face it, “my cat’s throwing up!” doesn’t have the same emotional tug as “my baby’s sick!”