Why I call my husband “The Ass”

I just saw that tweet and was about to respond to it on twitter.  I get a tweet or an email just about every day asking why I refer to my husband as “The Ass” online.  So I decided to write a post explaining it once and for all, and I can just refer people here from now on when they ask.

When I started SelfishMom.com I had no idea what was going to happen.  It wasn’t exactly a personal blog – I always intended for it to be public – but with millions of blogs out there I figured it would be read by a few people I knew, and that would be that.  I didn’t realize that blogging could be a career, and I had no clue what was involved.  But I did know that my husband is a very private person, and that he wouldn’t want me to use his real name.  So, I asked him to pick a fake name to be known by online.  I figured he’d pick “Wally” which is the name he gives at restaurants (I don’t know why).  But he didn’t want Wally.  I bugged him for a few weeks, all the while getting very sick of just referring to him as “my husband.”  Finally I gave him an ultimatum: come up with a nom de blog, or I would simply call him “The Ass.”  He said fine.

You see, Ass was a nickname that we’d been using for each other for oh, fifteen years or so at that point.  “Hey ass, what do you want for dinner?”  “Ass, you’ve got a phone call.”  “Yo, ass, come here for a minute.”  Yes, I know that sounds weird.  But we’ve been together forever (21 years, more than half of our lives) and who the hell knows how it started?  It’s an affectionate nickname.  It had belonged to both of us, but online, it became his, and I capitalized it to differentiate from the times when I was sure I would just be referring to him as an ass (see, lower case=name calling, upper case=affectionate nickname).

If I’d known how big my blog would get, would I have started out calling him Ass?  I honestly don’t know.  He didn’t care in the beginning.  But in the beginning all of the people reading Selfish Mom were probably related to me, or went to high school with me.  He pretty much stays out of my blog life.  He doesn’t comment, I don’t think he even reads it much.  He’s not on twitter.  On those rare times when I do mention something about a tweet referring to “The Ass” he gets an annoyed look, but I think half of that look is due to the fact that I’m blogging at all.

If he were to ask me to stop calling him The Ass at this point, I’d stop.  It would probably live on in my About page as “formerly known as The Ass” but that would be it, and I’d call him Wally or Fred or whatever he chose.  But really, I don’t think he cares.  He wants me to be happy, he wants me to be fulfilled, he wants me to make money, and he wants a clean bathroom.  Not in that order.  And I want him to be happy too.  But he knows (and hopefully everybody else does too) that when I type the words “The Ass” I’m smiling every time.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage.

Comments

  1. says

    I personally think The Ass is a brilliant nom de blog:) When my husband noticed it, I think he got jealous that I was just calling him “John.” (Not very original, I concede.) But then his suggestions … oy … unpublishable. So while The Ass may be slightly unsavory without the backstory, I venture to guess that he could have come up with something far less palatable!

  2. says

    I’m so glad to know the story behind “the ass”. I’ve gotta think of a code name for my hubby, too – he’s like the Ass – incredibly private. He’s British – so maybe the Brit? the English Guy? Got any ideas?

  3. says

    LOL ~ I wish you hadn’t felt like you needed to answer that *grin*. I just love it because husband Extraordinaire and I have the very same sense of humor. It’s just that I can’t write what we call each other – it’s longer than ass.

    So, I place my tongue deeply into my cheek and use “Husband Extraordinaire” for his online moniker.

  4. says

    LOL…I about spit coke out my nose when I read your post. A few years ago, my little boy overheard me call my husband “the biggest ass” or something like that (only half joking) and later that day when he was pulling in the driveway my 3.5 yr old blurted out “The Ass is home Mommy!”

    kids..

  5. says

    Hahaha, I like the nickname you gave your husband, cos when I first read it on your blog, it really reminds me of my husband! Mine is more “an ass” than “The Ass” though. In the literal sense.

    Love your blog. You ARE funny! And the way you describe it, yeah, for the first time ever, I can associate the term “The Ass” with something sweet!

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