I almost wasn’t going to write this, because apparently there’s a rabid group of cake defenders trolling the internet looking for bloggers to beat up on. (Many thanks to Mom101 for pointing me toward one of the most entertaining comment strings ever.)
Or perhaps they were all Food Network cake design show lovers, in which case I might be safe from their wrath. Or more likely they all belonged to that strange subset of internet commenters who go out of their way to comment on posts to tell the authors just how little their opinions mean, thus giving the posts a gazillion comments and making the authors’ opinions mean more. I love those commenters.
But I’m about to insult fruitcake, and I can’t imagine it has many defenders. I’m also about to insult British people, but they’re all too busy drinking tea to read my blog.
It was revealed recently that Prince William has infinitely more sense and taste than his fiancée, Kate Middleton. She chose for her wedding cake a giant fruitcake. For a wedding. Wedding fruitcake. I still can’t quite get over this. I considered about half a dozen different kinds of cake for my wedding, and not one of them was a dense brick filled with dried fruit and nuts.
Here in the U.S. fruitcake is a common slang term for crazy person. It’s a joke food. Johnny Carson made fruitcake a running gag on The Tonight Show. Someone sent my mom this card one Christmas more than twenty years ago and it makes me chuckle to this day. There’s even an annual event in Colorado where you can get rid of fruitcake in the sanest way possible: by throwing it as far as you can. These are not indications of a respected dessert. (Then again, I hear that the British version of fruitcake has a lot of alcohol in it, which may explain things.)
Reading further I discovered that this is actually a British tradition, a fruitcake wedding cake. So it’s not Kate Middleton who is crazy, she’s just bowing to societal pressure. It’s actually England that’s a little nuts.
The weirdest part of the story, though, is that Prince William is having a groom’s cake. This is not a British tradition. It’s not even an American tradition. It’s a Southern American tradition. After living in North Carolina for three years and attending several southern weddings (as well as planning mine while living there), I was convinced of three things: 1) southerners need to lay off of the sequins when making wedding dresses, 2) everyone leaves southern weddings hungry and goes to a Waffle House for dinner, and 3) northern weddings don’t have enough cake by half. So at my wedding we had a groom’s cake, and it had the South Park characters on it. Oh, and it was carrot cake. Very non-traditional for a wedding. And I realize it weakens my position a little bit. But since it was sitting next to my big white-and-chocolate layered traditional wedding cake, that didn’t really matter. You can go crazy with the groom’s cake when you have the big flowery normal one next to it.
But I haven’t even gotten to the best part of the future king’s cake: it’s a cookie cake. It’s a giant cookie cake, made up of 1,700 Rich Tea brand cookies. I have no idea what kind of cookies these are, but it doesn’t matter because they will be covered in 17 kilos of chocolate. For those of you, like me, who have no idea how much chocolate is in 17 kilos, it’s 37.5 pounds. Of chocolate. On one cake.
So there you have it: England’s future queen will be presiding over a big fruitcake, and the future king will be presiding over a giant chocolate-covered cookie. I know which line I’ll be in.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.