I surrender
Apr 29, 2011 Posted From My Phone
…to my carboholic son.
Originally posted on SelfishMom.com, from Amy’s cell phone (so please excuse any weird formatting). All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0 . Please see Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Mobile test – please ignore!
Apr 18, 2011 Posted From My Phone
If there’s no picture above, it’s safe to say I’m banging my head against the wall right now.
Originally posted on SelfishMom.com, from Amy’s cell phone (so please excuse any weird formatting). All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please see Amy’s Full Disclosure page (SelfishMom.com/full-disclosure) for more information.
Painting your son’s toenails may lead to the end of life as we know it
Apr 13, 2011 Kids
Did you know that if you paint your pink-loving son’s toenails, it may lead to the downfall of civilization? Those are the dots that Dr. Keith Ablow is trying desperately to connect on FoxNews.com. Yes, the same Dr. Keith Ablow who recently co-authored a book with Glenn Beck.
So here’s what happened: In the April 2011 online J. Crew catalogue there is a fun picture of J.Crew’s creative director, Jenna Lyons, with her son Beckett (shown here, left). In the picture she has clearly just painted the boy’s toenails pink. He seems pretty happy about it. But Dr. Ablow sees this as the beginning of the end.
Gender identity is a tricky thing. When I became a mom I tried very hard not to influence my kids with gender stereotypes. I didn’t assume that Jake wanted to play sports or that my daughter would want to wear pink all the time (both of which, actually, turned out to be true). But Jake is all boy. He loves Hot Wheels and baseball and hockey and playing drums and violent video games.
Then along came Fiona, and I swear there were pink sparkles mixed in with the amniotic fluid. She loves doing hair and make-up, pretty dresses, and jewelry. I ended up with kids who fell right into the usual gender stereotypes.
Did I occasionally try to push them the other way? Sort of but not really. When Jake was a toddler he kept stealing a little girl’s doll stroller at the playground. I ran right out and bought him his own. Upon hearing the news my husband sighed and said “It’s not pink, is it?” (It was blue.) When he asked Santa for an Easy Bake Oven, I made sure Santa delivered.
Or there was the time when I mistakenly signed Jake up for a ballet class (the semester before it had been hip hop). I made him stick with it, because I really thought he might like it. He’s tall and strong, and I tried to make him understand how tough and manly a male dancer has to be to lift the women into the air and fling them around. But he wasn’t buying it. He hated the class, and my husband was really annoyed with me. I wasn’t trying to change him, I just wanted him to know that there were lots of choices out there, and that I’d be OK with any of them. But he probably burped and scratched himself in response. Seriously. He’s a guy. He totally owns that part of the stereotype.
But what about the other kids? The girls who want the action figures, the boys who want the ponies? I know many of those kids. According to Dr. Keith Ablow, that kind of behavior may lead to promiscuousness and…something about black kids wanting to be white and vice versa? I don’t know, I was having trouble following his convoluted logic.
Or maybe it wasn’t the kids’ tendencies he was criticizing, but the parents’ encouragement? Is that what he was trying to say: that if my children like to do things that aren’t “normal” and I don’t make them feel like shit for it, I’m to blame for them…not wanting to go into the army? (Seriously, read the article, his points are completely crazy.)
I don’t doubt for a second that J.Crew knew exactly what it was doing when it produced that picture. Hell, they sell the nail polish! But I applaud them for celebrating a child’s uniqueness, even if it is just another way to get attention and sell something. I’d rather see more ads with boys in pink nail polish than another big-breasted blond in a bikini.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
Tags: stereotypes
You know you’re an extreme parent if…
Apr 12, 2011 Kids
I really love this article, about extreme parenting. Mostly because it makes me feel extremely sane and on the right track (I conveniently ignore articles titled “You know you’re not doing enough for your kids when…”). I definitely don’t identify with any of these examples from the article:
You know you’re an extreme parent if you’ve ever told your kid that second best is not good enough.
You know you’re an extreme parent when you’re convinced your second-grade son is having more fun doing the Kumon advanced math program than watching Saturday morning cartoons.
You know you’re an extreme parent if your child, who does not have a documented learning disability, has more than three tutors.
OK, maybe this one, occasionally:
You know you’re an extreme parent when you make a trip to school to deliver a paper or homework that the child left at home.
In my defense, the school is a five minute walk away, and I practically pass by it on my way to the subway…OK, there’s no excuse. But on a scale of one to Amy Chua, I’d say I’m about a two. A three if I’m having a control-freak kind-of day, but those pass quickly.
A couple weeks ago Jake came home with some amazing news: he’d won second place in the school’s science fair! He’d earned it, too. He had stayed up late three nights in a row to get his project done. And yes, I had helped, but in a “No, you can’t fill the bathtub with pop and dump in a bucket of Mentos. But how about four bottles in the backyard?” kind-of way. Guidance, setting limits, shopping, helping him do some research, finding a kid-friendly website where he could produce his own charts and graphs, but letting him put everything together. His tri-fold presentation board didn’t look the best, but he was able to speak enthusiastically and knowledgeably about every stage of the experiment, and I think that’s what sold it for the science teachers. He’d worked so hard.
When he came home with his medal, he was simply beaming. The thought that there’s a parent out there who would have answered that pride with “How come you didn’t get first place?” makes me want to cry.
I know some people who are at the top, or wanted to be at the top, or used to be at the top. Most of them aren’t happy. One committed suicide. I’m not saying that it’s bad to strive to be the best, I think that’s a great motivator. But if you can’t handle it if you don’t get there, or you get there and can’t handle the pressure (especially if you’re used to your mommy doing everything for you), what then? And the couple of people I know who are bona-fide geniuses, I feel sorry for them most of all. Nothing is good enough. They walk around disappointed by everyone and everything. Being at the top just isn’t necessarily a good thing.
I just want my kids to grow up to be happy, passionate, productive adults who live up to their individual potentials. If they’re never the best at anything? Meh. I never was either. And I’m pretty damn happy.
Oh, and if they could manage never to end up on Cops, that would be great, too.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
Tags: Parenting, science fair
In the kitchen with Mommy
Apr 11, 2011 Love Your Veggies, What's Going On
I wrote the following post as part of the Love Your Veggies program, for which I am a paid spokesperson.
I used to hate cooking with my kids. Actually, I used to hate cooking. I’ve always been in love with baking, but cooking was something that had to be done just to keep the rest of the family from starving. And I never wanted my kids anywhere near the kitchen. They just added time, and mess, and aggravation. I started letting them cook with me as a way to get them more involved in what gets to their plates, so that they don’t go off on their own some day thinking that food magically appears, fully formed into a meal, every few hours. And you know what? It’s been fun. Honestly. And that surprised me.
They each like to do different tasks and cook different foods, which works out great because it’s nicer all around when I’m working with them one at a time. (Unless it’s something like pizza dough, where they can each make their own batch, start to finish, side by side.) Over the winter I’ve developed some Dos and Don’ts that work for us. Your family may have a different rhythm, but the only way you’ll know is if you all roll up your sleeves and get cooking together.
Fiona eats more dough than she bakes
Use the time wisely
Cooking with the kids is simply going to take longer, at this stage anyway. It seems much more worth it if we’re making something that’s going to last past that one day, and the bigger projects are more fun for the kids too. Just yesterday Fiona and I made a delicious soup that three out of the four of us will be eating all week (Jake wouldn’t go near soup unless he was on a reality show and there was a large cash prize at the end). She had never made soup before, and was amazed at how many things went in and how it all blended together. I could tell that she had never given the process a second thought. Whether her soup came from a can or the fridge, it was just magically ready. I like that she’s aware now of what it takes to get it there.
Cater to their tastes
Letting kids cook with you is not going to instantly transform a picky kid into an adventurous eater, but I’ve had a couple of big breakthroughs with the kids while they were in the kitchen with me. A few years ago I was sautéing some carrots, and I just knew that Jake would never eat them, so I was making them to my taste. He watched me toss a bunch of dill in there. He was so curious about what the green stuff was that he smelled it, then tasted a little, and then at the table tasted the carrots covered in dill, while I picked my jaw up off the ground. To this day that’s the only way he’ll eat carrots, and he eats them enthusiastically – it’s one of the few vegetable he genuinely likes. I’m convinced that if he hadn’t actually seen me making them, if they had just come to the table with gross green stuff all over them, he never would have tried them. So yes, that dish has become somewhat of a crutch – I make it several times a week just so that he’ll actually eat a vegetable. But I’m grateful he eats one without me having to beg and nag.
When Fiona and I made that soup, she tasted as we went and told me exactly what she thought of each ingredient. She discovered that she didn’t hate onions once they were cooked, that roasted garlic is yummy but slimy, and that spinach is OK as long as it’s in little pieces. There were a couple of ingredients that she insists makes the soup worse, though. She hates big chunks of tomato (even though she loves creamy tomato soup) and despite cannellini beans being a main ingredient of the soup, she eats around them. So next time I’m going to let her make her own pot, leaving out what she doesn’t like, instead of watching her pick those things out of her bowl at the table.
The Happy Chef
Don’t rush
My big mistake in the past with the kids was having them help me make dinner after school and activities. That’s just a recipe for disaster. They’re tired, I’m in a hurry, and even if we manage to get a meal on the table that’s it, it’s one meal, and it took more time than usual thanks to their “help.” Teaching someone is never as quick and easy as just doing it yourself, so now I save most of our cooking for the weekends. Whatever we’re making, we make a lot of it. I like fast food when I’m alone, especially if I’m working. If I’m hungry I want the quickest thing available. If that’s a bag of chips or some frozen pasta, that’s what I’ll grab. But if I’ve got a bunch of soup in the fridge ready and waiting, I’ll eat it. So I like to make food on the weekends to use for the week ahead.
“Honey, is there any soup?”
We’re all addicted to fellow Love Your Veggies spokesperson Jennifer Perillo’s pizza dough, so that’s another great recipe for the kids to make, especially since they can do it pretty much by themselves, start to finish (Fiona needs a little help with the measurements). Sure, their dough doesn’t look as pretty as mine, but I don’t hear them complaining. They each make one batch at a time, we bake it half-way on my favorite little pizza pans and freeze it, and then we thaw it, top it, and bake it the rest of the way for a quick dinner on those evenings when Tae Kwon Do keeps us out late.
Keep it interesting
As much as I would like the kids to be involved every single step of the way so that they can better appreciate how much work goes into cooking, there’s some stuff that they simply can’t do. Having Fiona stand there watching me chop a pound of carrots with a giant knife would get her bored before we really got started, and she’d just end up annoying me. So I do whatever prep work I can – mostly chopping and peeling – before the kids get involved. The night before we made the soup I roasted the garlic and chopped the carrots and onions, so that everything was ready to dump right into the pot.
On the other hand, stuff that I find routine and boring is fun for the kids. I discovered recently that Fiona picks the leaves off of cauliflower much better than I do, and she likes doing it! So that’s one prep job that is now hers and hers alone. Jake loves mashing things (no big surprise there) so whenever I have something that needs to be mashed, smashed, or pounded, I call him in. And naturally, they both love the blender and hand beaters. Rinsing vegetables and opening cans are two more things that Fiona loves to do – every time she opens a can she flexes her muscles and shows us how much stronger she is.
Teach math
I’m not one of those parents who thinks that every single activity should be turned into a learning experience, but cooking is just tailor made for teaching math. I’ve got Jake dividing fractions when we don’t have the right measuring spoon clean. I’ve got Fiona figuring out how many cups of water we need if we’ve got four cups of broth and need seven cups of liquid total. And they think it’s fun.
Don’t be afraid of the stove and the oven
I know a lot of parents who don’t want their kids around the stove, ever. I get it. It’s scary, and one fall could mean a trip to the hospital and skin grafts. But much like you can’t let a kid cross the street for the first time alone at eighteen, you can’t expect an adult to suddenly know stove safety if they’ve never used one. Get a sturdy step stool, have a talk about hot oil and boiling liquids, and stay very close by. Jake I would trust at the stove by himself for short periods – I think you’re a lot less likely to lose your balance if you’re standing on the floor – but as long as Fiona is standing on a step stool, I’ll be right next to her.
“Really, Mommy, you need a picture of this too?”
Don’t overdo it
I love spending an entire Saturday in the kitchen, but I’ve found that one recipe is usually enough for my kids in one day. Anything more than that and I’m begging for help as they start to whine and drift away. I’d rather leave them wanting more than overwork them.
If they’re getting on my nerves, though, I can channel it into some dough, especially with Jake, who is becoming quite the pizza maker. It’s a lot harder to hit your sister when your arms are exhausted.
***
I would love to hear from you all some recipes you like to make with your kids. And don’t forget to visit Love Your Veggies for more ideas on cooking, gardening, and eating veggies with your kids.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 14. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
Organization part 1: purses everywhere
Apr 7, 2011 Posted From My Phone
This past weekend I stopped into The Container Store for their Spring Organization Sale with the goal of organizing two specific things: my purses and my shoes. I tackled the purses first.
I have several bags that I use regularly. I switch almost daily depending on where I’m going and how much I need to cart with me. Then there are those times when I actually want to match my purse to my outfit (rare). I’ve been trying to get my hands on the perfect IKEA purse shelf for months now (shelf on top, hooks on the bottom, matches our IKEA coat hooks) but it’s always out of stock . Frankly I’m beginning to think that they no longer make it but that it’s easier for them to string me along than to take down the display.
Anyway, the result of this shelflessness has been purses everywhere. Some I pile on our entryway shelf (which is already covered in backpacks, umbrellas, Frisbees, gum, sidewalk chalk, and whatever else we dump as soon as we walk in), some I hang on the coat hooks, and some I store in my clothes closet and can never find when I need them. I’m still holding out hope that I can get my hands on the IKEA one, but until that glorious day I needed something temporary. Ideally this stopgap measure would be cheap, easy to install and remove, and reusable. I found it about ten seconds after walking into the store.
Each of these genius hangers were $14.99, and there are several fabrics available. They each come with a door hook, which is probably how I’ll use them when I no longer need them downstairs: hooked over my clothes closet door. I bought some heavy-duty picture hangers to go with them (pack of two, $5; each holds fifty pounds) and had them hanging in literally two minutes.
The snaps are amazingly strong. I’ve got a very heavy backpack hanging right now with no problem. They could also be used for hats, umbrellas, lots of things. But so far I’ve only hung the purses I found in the front hallway, so I doubt I’ll have room for anything else once I gather the rest.
Definitely a great find.
Originally posted on SelfishMom.com, from Amy’s cell phone (so please excuse any weird formatting). All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please see Amy’s Full Disclosure page (SelfishMom.com/full-disclosure) for more information.
Please help me name my uterus
Apr 7, 2011 What's Going On
So there’s a new website, Incorporate My Uterus. It was dreamed up by the Florida ACLU and oh, it’s genius. With the slogan “My Uterus is My Business” the group is encouraging women to symbolically incorporate their uteri, to send a message to the legislature that it needs to keep its hands – and laws – off of and out of this particular body part. After all, Republicans are always talking about how they think businesses are overregulated. So the logic goes that if my uterus is a business, they will let it regulate itself.
Now, my uterus has been mothballed and neglected for almost seven years, and I’m guessing at this point that there will be no reason in the future to dust off the cobwebs and put my uterus back to work. But you never know what the future could bring, and I’d rather incorporate now while it’s on my mind! But I need your help. I have to come up with a name for my “company.” And I’m coming up blank.
While you think of a name for my new uterine-based company, I’d like you to consider the following: on the floor of the Florida legislature, where this whole thing began, the leadership has requested that nobody use terms like “uterus” out of concern for the pages and messengers within earshot of the debates. As someone who started out from day one using the correct terms for body parts with her kids, this is nothing short of ridiculous. How can you have a debate about a woman’s uterus if you can’t even stand to hear the word? Should the legislators instead use slang? I can think of about ten slang terms for “vagina” off the top of my head but not one for uterus, so I’m not sure what they’ll do. Although charades comes to mind, as does Pictionary.
Anywho, I need help with that business name. I’m not feeling very creative tonight. But I need to get this done. I’ve lost three months of tax breaks and business expenses already.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
Tags: Women's Rights
Disney Cruise Line heads to NYC in 2012!
Apr 6, 2011 Travel
I just attended a luncheon at the beautiful Lighthouse Restaurant at Chelsea Piers, where Disney Cruise Line president Karl Holz (with some help from a special mouse) announced some very exciting news: in May 2012 the Disney Magic will be docking in New York City for three different itineraries: south to Florida and Tte Bahamas, north to Nova Scotia and Newfoundland, and out to sea for fun cruises to “nowhere.”
The eight day Bahamas cruises will include a one-day Disney World Park Hopper pass and bus transportation to Disney World while the ship is docked at Port Canaveral, Florida.
The Canadian cruises will stop in Halifax, Nova Scotia and St. John’s, Newfoundland.
This is incredibly exciting news for New Yorkers. I’ve cruised to the Caribbean out of New York and it was amazing! Instead of having to pay for plane fare and spending a day on each end traveling to and from Florida, we hopped in a cab a few hours before our ship was set to sail. Talk about convenient! I can’t wait.
After “summering” in NYC, the Magic will then head down to Galveston, Texas for western Caribbean cruises.
Bookings open on the 8th of April, 2011.
Thanks so much for sharing the news, Mickey!
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 8. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.
Tags: Disney
