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Please help me name my uterus

So there’s a new website, Incorporate My Uterus. It was dreamed up by the Florida ACLU and oh, it’s genius. With the slogan “My Uterus is My Business” the group is encouraging women to symbolically incorporate their uteri, to send a message to the legislature that it needs to keep its hands – and laws – off of and out of this particular body part. After all, Republicans are always talking about how they think businesses are overregulated. So the logic goes that if my uterus is a business, they will let it regulate itself.

Now, my uterus has been mothballed and neglected for almost seven years, and I’m guessing at this point that there will be no reason in the future to dust off the cobwebs and put my uterus back to work. But you never know what the future could bring, and I’d rather incorporate now while it’s on my mind! But I need your help. I have to come up with a name for my “company.” And I’m coming up blank.

While you think of a name for my new uterine-based company, I’d like you to consider the following: on the floor of the Florida legislature, where this whole thing began, the leadership has requested that nobody use terms like “uterus” out of concern for the pages and messengers within earshot of the debates. As someone who started out from day one using the correct terms for body parts with her kids, this is nothing short of ridiculous. How can you have a debate about a woman’s uterus if you can’t even stand to hear the word? Should the legislators instead use slang? I can think of about ten slang terms for “vagina” off the top of my head but not one for uterus, so I’m not sure what they’ll do. Although charades comes to mind, as does Pictionary.

Anywho, I need help with that business name. I’m not feeling very creative tonight. But I need to get this done. I’ve lost three months of tax breaks and business expenses already.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage, and podcasts with The Blogging Angels.

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14 Responses to “Please help me name my uterus”

  1. Christy on April 7th, 2011 12:21 am
    1

    You could sell naming rights… ;)
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    Amy Reply:

    @Christy @morethanmommy: That’s genius. Citi-uterus.

  2. craftyb on April 7th, 2011 12:25 am
    2

    omg. I can’t stop laughing- but I am soooo gonna help.

  3. RCSM on April 7th, 2011 7:11 pm
    3

    OMG is right! I need to read your article over and over again and try and concentrate after laughing. Hmm.. wow..gotta name your “uterus” huh?

    -Amanda

  4. Minka on April 8th, 2011 3:06 pm
    4

    Holy crap — the florida legislature thing? Are they f*cking kidding me? I’ve got a great polite term for uterus. How about: Go fuck yourself. Does that work? How about AK47? Since apparently our country is more comfortable with weaponry than female anatomy… because lets face it, nothing is more potentially lethal than a woman who’s comfortable with herself. Morons. Okay, enough of that — a name for your uterus… when I can stop seething about that florida thing, I’ll get back to you with something. Maybe it should be something like: Ye Olde… blah blah. Y’know, to make it sound like a victorian era Inn? Or a british pub? Cozy and warm, where weird shit happens that nobody really understands…???

  5. Minka on April 8th, 2011 5:14 pm
    5

    OMFG — I’ve got it! (the name for the uterus, that is)… (drumroll…) Barbie! Since the poor gal was overly blessed in the breast area, to apparently compensate for a total lack of vagina and, no doubt, a uterus, I say name your uterus in honor of poor Barbie… who Mattel cheated out of her full womanhood.
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    Amy Reply:

    @Minka: I like the concept, but I’m not sure I want a name that has to be explained. CrafyB suggetsed (on twitter) “At Your Cervix.” I kinda like one that will get a laugh.

  6. @tshaka_zulu on April 8th, 2011 8:34 pm
    6

    Saw your tweet and At Your Cervix was hilarious and since I figured very few dads (if any) would give this one a shot… here we go:

    Babies R’ Us… oh wait. That’s taken. How about Tubes R’ Us? Eggs N’ Things? KidSpace? Oh wait… that’s taken as well. :(

    Amy Reply:

    @@tshaka_zulu: If I use Babies R Us without flipping the “R” maybe they won’t come after me? Or since I’m probably done, how about “Babies Were Us”?

    @tshaka_zulu Reply:

    @Amy: Too funny! “Babies WeRe Us!” it is. Or you could always go with a hi-end retail fashion-type name, like, ummmm, Eggstravagance!
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  7. Minka on April 8th, 2011 8:42 pm
    7

    Yep — that’s very true. Humor and immediate clarity are definitely key when naming a uterus. I have officially been schooled. Maybe I should’ve let someone else help me name my boobs… Ah, live and learn.
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    Amy Reply:

    @Minka: This may be one that I would have to explain as well, but (in honor of the days before I get my period): “Linings ‘N’ Things”!

  8. Minka on April 8th, 2011 10:36 pm
    8

    funny, but as I was making dinner (okay, not funny, more like weird), I came up with the toys r us thing, too. but literally like: Uts R us… I can’t figure out how to spell it, but Utes R us (get it? sounding out Ut-er-us) okay, I’ve had too many martinis… (okay, actually it was just one, how lame, but my husband makes one that really packs a punch and now I can’t make any friggin’ sense… which is just like any other day! ha!) but can you see where I was going with that one?
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  9. Minka on April 8th, 2011 10:37 pm
    9

    Oops, in my drunken state, forgot to say that i did get a kick out of linings n’ things…! at some point, can we rant about the dumbass who came up with “have a happy period”? can’t remember which brand came up with that one, but seriously…?
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