St. Kitts Part 2: Exploring the Island, from Land and Sea
Sep 28, 2012 Travel
Day one on my press junket to St. Kitts involved some swimming and a very fine dinner. Day two was packed with more great food, a Jeep tour of the island, and a sunset catamaran cruise – a full, fun day in a gorgeous setting.
We met Greg of Greg’s Safaris and set off on a four hour Off The Beaten Path tour. Greg is a really interesting guy, and since he was born and raised on St. Kitts, he knew everything and everybody. His company is the only one that can take Jeep tours of the hilly, rainforest interior of the island. He also does hiking tours.
Jillian Ryan getting into our Jeep
We started out driving through the main part of town, passing by Port Zante, which has duty-free shopping and a new cruise ship terminal, and the popular public market, which is open on Saturdays – Greg said to try and get there by 8am if you can!
Public Market
Even the KFC is colorful!
We also passed the Ocean Terrace Inn, which is renowned for its Friday night West Indian buffet and steel drum band. It also belonged to Greg’s parents, until they sold it in the mid-90s.
Our first stop was an old abandoned sugar plantation. Everything was done to make these houses as cool as possible in the Caribbean heat. The ceilings were high, there were louvers around the doorways to keep the air moving, and the kitchen was in a different building.
Shadwell Great House
Every plantation had a banyan tree, because they grew more or less horizontal to the ground, and created a lot of shade.
Another plantation we visited had a gorgeous Poinciana tree (also called the Flamboyant Tree, for obvious reasons). We saw many of these pretty trees in St. Kitts, but this one was absolutely breathtaking.
Greg parked the Jeep under the Poinciana, and got together a nice snack full of different kinds of island fruits, coconut goodies, and rum while we explored.
Our next stop was an old sugar processing mill. About one hundred of them dot the landscape. These were not happy places, since like many labor-intensive industries at the time, the work was done by slaves. Greg brought stacks of photos to help us see some of the history of the sugar mills.
The last stop was St Mary’s Anglican Church in Cayon, which has a rich history as part of the abolitionist movement. The vicar of St. Mary’s in the 1770s, James Ramsey, had started out as a doctor, but after seeing the horrors of a slave ship he became an Anglican priest and an outspoken opponent of slavery. He was also the inspiration for James Newton’s famous hymn, Amazing Grace.
We clamored onto the Jeep one last time and headed for the Marriott. It was a pretty amazing afternoon.
After some time back at the hotel, we headed back to Port Zante to board a catamaran – my first time! – for a sunset cruise, with Leeward Island Charters. We took our shoes off and climbed aboard.
The people in the next boat were showing off their catches and basically goofing around for our benefit.
As we headed away from St. Kitts the clouds rolled in – perfect timing! It was a gorgeous evening.
Our leader from Diamond PR, Lisa, with Ava’s daughter and Kayt’s son
Gorgeous!
Up Next…
On Monday I’ll be posting some amazing pictures from a huge fort high atop a hill, and possibly the most beautiful beach I’ve ever been to.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 7. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
On today’s menu
Sep 27, 2012 Weight Loss
Someone over at this post just asked what I eat on one of my low-carb/low-cal days. Here’s you go. The chart below is what I’ll be eating today. It all works out to 794 calories, and 36.7 grams of carbohydrates. As you can see, I weigh and measure everything. I’ve tried many different methods, and this is what works best with my rule-following, math-loving brain.
Low-carb is hard for a vegetarian, and a plan that won’t really let me eat fruits and veg seems wrong to me. But understand that I only do this twice a week, and it makes a big difference. I eat lots of fruits and vegetables the other five days.
It also helps that I don’t have a cholesterol problem, so eating three eggs in a day is fine for me (and let’s face it, how many times have I gone to Perkins and had a three-egg omelet, for just one meal?). But on these days, I definitely have trouble getting in enough fiber, calcium, and iron (no problem with vitamins A & C though – the lettuce takes care of that). It’s hard to get in enough of most nutrients on only 800 calories. But again, two days a week only. It all averages out fine each week.
This is basically nine tiny meals. The egg, butter, milk, and sharp cheddar will be a little omelet. There are a couple of salads in there (yum) and a couple of open-faced egg salad sandwiches (double yum). A spoonful of peanut butter? Yes please! And Parmesan cheese is one of my favorite cheeses to snack on.
The key for me is that I never ever eat anything I don’t really like. I love Morningstar Farms products. I love eggs. I love cheese. I love peanut butter. I love salad. If you don’t like these things, don’t eat them! Find things that you like that work for you – there has to be something besides cake. :-)
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Food, Weight Loss
Weight Loss 4.0
Sep 27, 2012 Weight Loss
I feel like I’m in the fourth (and final) stage of my weight loss. That might seem weird since I still have more than 30 pounds to go until I reach my goal, but I’m in a comfortable routine that is working – I don’t feel like I’m looking for “the best way” to lose weight any more.
1.0 was when I started this whole thing just under a year ago. Slim-Fast sent me some shakes and bars, and I took off the first ten pounds pretty easily. But it was really just a kick start. As delicious as the Slim-Fast stuff was, I knew I could never do it long term – I like “food” more than I like eating sweet, sugary things 4-5 times a day. I happened to interview Dr. Oz ten days in to my Slim-Fast plan, and he had some good advice for me. It would get me going, but I would need to have something else waiting in the wings for when I got tired of it. I started looking for a new plan.
2.0 was when DietBet.com offered up a big prize to me and some other bloggers for losing 4% of our body weights in 4 weeks. I did (all seven of us did, actually) and won over $700 – half of it going to a great charity, The Fistula Foundation. My method for those four weeks was simple: 1,400 calories four times a week, 700 calories/60 grams of carbs twice a week, and one day a week where I could eat anything, no calorie counting. It was based on some interesting studies, and worked really well for me. Since I largely live on carbs, two days a week of deprivation was just about the most I could do, but it was all I needed to do.
3.0 was the time between the first Diet Bet, and now. I tried a few other things. I tried dessert for breakfast, which was also based on an interesting study. I think it’s something that I’ll probably go back to if and when I ever try to just eat like a normal person, without counting calories. The science behind having something sweet with breakfast is strong. But combined with calorie counting, I found it unnecessary, and just used too many calories early in the day – the opposite of what my body wants to do.
I also tried massive amounts of exercise alongside massive amounts of eating. I actually took off five pounds this summer, while enjoying way too many meals out with my husband (the kids were at summer camp). I usually gain in the summer even without the restaurants, so I’d call that a success. But most days I simply don’t have time to exercise for two or more hours, so that’s done until the kids go away again.
Mostly, I just tried to maintain my weight loss, with little bursts of losing. But then, as I got closer to forty (it’s now four weeks away!) I got very motivated. Which brings us to…
4.0. It’s really just my 2.0 method, with a few small changes. I’m doing two days a week of low-carb/low-cal, with 800 calories this time, but only 40 grams of carbs. Four days a week of 1,200 calories, no carb counting (fewer calories than last time, because I just want to get this shit over with already!). And one day a week of whatever, although this time I’m attempting to keep it at 2,000 calories, if I’m home or easily able to count them. Not always possible, like last Saturday night in Boston when I pretty much ate myself sick at Maggiano’s. Oops. (But oh so tasty!)
I’ve also been doing a more moderate amount of exercise. Usually a six mile walk-jog once a week, a bike ride or jog here and there, some 5K training with the kids. Nothing massive or all that consistent. But I have been making a big effort to bike where I would usually take the subway. It really only works if I can show up a little sweaty. Lunch with a friend in lower Manhattan? Fine. Laser hair removal appointment near Central Park where my nether-regions will be worked on? Nope.
If I feel like I need to “eat” those exercise calories on a given day, I do. But if I’m having one of those days where I’m out of calories and just need to eat more, I put my sneakers on, log some more exercise calories, and then eat some potato chips. But when I can, I just let those exercise calories sit in the “bank.” Hopefully it’s making me lose a little faster.
It’s nice to be in a routine that I feel good about. I don’t exactly look forward to these super-low-cal days, but I don’t dread them. I’ve done them enough times that I know I won’t be screaming with hunger pains. I just eat nine or ten very small meals and look forward to the next day.
A few people have asked me why I’m torturing myself like this. If they knew me, they’d know that if it were torture, I wouldn’t do it. I like to be comfortable. But I also like not stressing out when it’s time to pack for a trip or go clothes shopping. That’s my motivation, and it’s working.
So here you go: me pointing at my shrinking belly, no constricting undergarments, four weeks to go until my birthday, 30 some odd pounds to go until my goal. Feeling great.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 1 (Slim-Fast). Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Dessert for Breakfast, Dr. Oz, exercise, Food, Slim-Fast, Weight Loss
St. Kitts, Part 1: The Marriott Resort
Sep 26, 2012 Travel
Uh-oh, where’s the coconut?!?
Before I was invited on a press junket this summer to the Marriott Resort and Royal Beach Casino on the island of St. Kitts, I really had no idea where it was. I guessed that it was in the Caribbean, and was basically right – it’s south-east of the Virgin Islands. But a geographical quirk means that the western side of the island faces the Caribbean Sea, and the eastern side faces the Atlantic. The very narrow southern part of the island (closest to its sister island, Nevis) makes for a great photo opp from Timothy Hill (below), where both sides can be seen easily.
But I knew nothing else. I wasn’t even sure if I would need my passport to go there (I did – but buy property worth at least $400k, and you can become a citizen!). I was happy to find out that American dollars are accepted pretty much everywhere, and since the value of the Eastern Caribbean Dollar is based on the US dollar, you don’t lose anything by using American money.
Having been to the Caribbean a bunch of times – both flying in and visiting various islands while on cruise ships – I wondered why St. Kitts wasn’t really on my personal radar. It turns out that they’re relatively new to the tourism game, since growing and processing sugar was the island’s primary source of income until 2005, when the government effectively shut down the money-losing sugar industry.
This has created a very nice situation for tourists, in that much of the island is undeveloped and gorgeous. Tourist areas are not crowded, and there’s a very relaxed feel. All of the beaches on St. Kitts are public, but even the one serving our resort never seemed busy during our stay (then again, I was there in July – can’t speak for February).
St. Kitts Marriott Resort and Royal Beach Casino
Arriving at the St. Kitts Marriott in the capital city of Basseterre, we were offered delicious fruit drinks and cold beer. Always a nice way to start a vacation, even if it was technically a working one. :-)
l-r: Kayt Sukel and her son, Deborah Hopewell, Ava Roxanne
Swimming
The hotel has one very large main pool, which can get a bit loud when there’s a DJ poolside. If that’s your thing, you’ll love that area, with its swim-up bar, volleyball net, and activities. There are two smaller pools, however, that were blissfully quiet and almost empty when I stopped by.
One of the quieter, smaller pools
The beach where I spent the most time that weekend was the one right in front of the Marriott. With gorgeous, clean sand and cabanas and chairs set out by the hotel for free use, it was incredibly convenient and beautiful. There’s a long skinny rock formation in front of the hotel, which keeps the water calm, perfect for kids to play in. Walk a little farther down the five-mile stretch and you can find less protected water.
The beach directly in front of the Marriott
The Hotel
My room was in the main building of the hotel, which often had entertainment going on until about 10pm. If you’re traveling with little kids who go to bed early, you may want to request a room in one of the smaller buildings. But I loved the open, airy feeling of main building, and the noise didn’t bother me at all. By the time I was ready to go to sleep each night everything was very quiet.
The main building at the Marriott resort
The view from my balcony
My room was very comfortable, especially the bed, and I’m always thrilled to have a fridge. Something else that I’ve seen in most Marriotts lately is this:
It’s a small thing, but it makes it so much easier when you have multiple devices to charge, or want to plug your laptop into the TV to watch something on a bigger screen.
This just confused me though:
I pretended it wasn’t there. I’m American, I wouldn’t even know where to begin.
Casino and Spa
I hate to admit it, but my favorite thing about this resort – any resort, really – was the casino. Especially when my kids aren’t with me, a casino in the hotel just makes my trip. There were plenty of tables, the dealers were friendly (but not too chatty), and I managed not to lose my shirt.
My other favorite part of any resort? The spa. I got one of the best massages I’ve ever had the last morning of my trip. I practically floated onto the plane. I wish I had taken some pictures, but you can check out the Emerald Mist Spa and its services on the website.
Food
My first night on St. Kitts our group met for dinner at the Royal Grille Steakhouse. Being vegetarian, I’m always happy at a steakhouse to get a good baked potato, maybe a decent salad. I definitely wasn’t expecting one of the best vegetarian meals I’ve ever had, and it was not made especially for me – it was a dish off of the menu. Everything else was wonderful as well. I highly recommend the bananas foster (actually, every dessert I tasted during our entire stay was superb).
On our second night we dined at Blue Seafood, and again, as a vegetarian I wasn’t expecting much. But I had another wonderful meal. And on our third night, our farewell dinner at the resort’s Italian restaurant, La Cucina, was over the top fantastic.
I’ve never had three really great dinners at a resort before. Most Caribbean resorts are not known for their food. But I promise you, make a reservation at any one of those restaurants, and if it’s anything like my experience, you won’t be sorry.
Food at the more casual restaurants was more what you’d expect from a mid-priced resort, a little hit or miss. I had a so-so salad at Bohemia Grille, but some really great house-made potato chips. Every single thing I had for breakfast – both from room service and at the Calypso Restaurant breakfast buffet – was very good, with one big exception: the scrambled eggs. They were terrible. Get an omelet from the omelet station instead – mine was excellent.
I did appreciate the wide variety of food available, everything from burgers and fries to pizza to buffets to fine dining. There’s something for everyone.
Up Next…
Stop by Friday, when I will be posting some absolutely gorgeous pictures from different parts of the island.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 7. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Fiona & I will be on Huffington Post Live tonight
Sep 20, 2012 Kids
A couple years ago I wrote about Fiona and her belief in God. I wrote about it in my former job with Momtourage (I don’t know why they have it listed as being written this year, it was not), and in a better piece on my own site, Bill O’Reilly and Bill Maher in my back seat. As I’ve written before, it’s a bitter pill to swallow when your kids don’t believe what you believe.
Tonight, at 7:20pm, Fiona and I will be appearing on Huff Post Live, in a discussion about this very topic. Kids and religion – it should be interesting! You can tune in here. I hope you’ll join us!
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Fiona, Huffington Post, Kids, religion
Turning Big Brother Off
Sep 18, 2012 Kids
The first week and a half of school, dealing with my son’s commute, was rough. First, there was just getting my mind into a place where my son was going to be commuting to a totally different neighborhood on the bus each day. Then there was the stress of him getting lost, and of forgetting to text and let us know where he was.
Each time something happened, my gut told me he was fine. But still, despite all of my big talk, I was having trouble just letting it go and assuming that he was fine. That first day when he did his commute alone, and forgot to text when he got to school (my husband’s idea, but something I willingly went along with), I spent a lot of time breathing deeply. I did not panic, but only because I was forcing myself not to. Even though everything I knew about myself was telling me he had simply forgotten to text and was fine, I really wasn’t OK until I was able to confirm that he was, indeed, at school.
So, we turned on the locator service for his cell phone. It’s something that hadn’t really occurred to me, but after that first snafu I thought the locator would give me peace of mind.
It did not. Instead, it became a crutch. A crutch I didn’t need but was using anyway.
When he was taking longer than usual to get home last Thursday, I checked his location several times. I could see that he was moving down the correct street fast, which meant that he was on the bus, just where he should be. Then, he got off and the little locator dot went the wrong way. What? Should I call him? I told myself to relax – he was probably going to the store for a snack.
Then, last Friday, he forgot to text when he got to school again. I searched for his location, but instead of reassuring me that he was in school, the locator put him in a neighborhood in the opposite direction from where his school is.
This time, I knew that my gut was right, that he was at school. That the locator couldn’t find him in his cold-war-era bomb shelter of a school, and it was confused.
So here we had two things that I was supposed to be able to rely on to tell me if he was in school: the ability of an eleven-year-old boy to do something consistently that I probably wouldn’t remember to do half the time, and an app that likes to mislead me for fun.
I decided on Friday that it had to stop. I wasn’t being the parent I wanted to be. When I was a kid, and I walked out the door for school, my parents assumed I’d gotten there just fine unless told otherwise. Now, it’s the other way around: we had set things up so that we were assuming something had gone wrong unless we got confirmation that everything had gone right. It didn’t feel good.
I told my husband at dinner that night that I wanted to stop the texting, stop the locating. Now, I think he and I are pretty much on the same page about the freedoms we want our kids to have, but he gets there just a little slower than I do. He wasn’t ready to just assume everything was OK. He didn’t see the harm in keeping track of where Jake was this way, but that’s because he wasn’t the one stressing if a text wasn’t sent or a dot wasn’t in the right location.
So, I told him that if he wanted to take over, that would work for me. When Jake goes back to school tomorrow after the long weekend, he’ll text his dad when he gets there. I no longer have the password for the locator site, so I can’t check up on Jake. I have faith that he will be, within reason, where he says he will be. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be letting him do this commute, no matter how we could check up on him.
He’s eleven. If he wants to swing by a store or the library after school, he should. If he’s going to be unusually late, he should call – just like I had to. And he has it so easy, with a cell phone. And if I really really need to get him, I can call that cell phone.
I’m embarrassed by my behavior last week. I don’t understand why we don’t automatically allow our kids the same freedoms we had when we were their age. Instead it’s a fight against our guts, a fight against logic, a fight against safety statistics, and most of all a fight against having faith in our kids.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: cell phone, commute, safety
A few glitches with the commute, and the importance of remaining calm and Rational
Sep 10, 2012 Kids
So on Friday I wrote a post about how, even though it will be stressful for me (I’m a born worrier), it’s important that Jake gets himself to middle school each day. Thousands – hundreds of thousands? – of NYC kids do it, he’ll be fine.
Right?
I said in the post that I knew things would go wrong – he’d take the wrong bus, etc. But I really didn’t think it would happen that very afternoon.
I got a text from Jake that he couldn’t find the bus stop (he’d been with friends the day before). Easy enough to fix. I called him, told him where it was, and made a mental note to show him the bus route on a map when he got home. He’s a visual learner like me.
About ten minutes later, I had a thought: would he know to cross to the other side of the street, and take the bus in the other direction? Of course he would. I mean, he’s taken the subway his whole life. He knows that you go to the other side to go the other way. Common sense. Sure, the day before had been his first time on a bus, but still. Same concept. He’d get it.
Or would he? I gave him a call. He was on the bus. Going the wrong way.
I told him to get off. By this time I was at Fiona’s school, picking her up. As she tugged on my arm wanting to tell me something really important I barked at her to wait. It took a few minutes, but Jake found the bus stop going in the other direction. I looked up the schedule on my phone and let him know that he had about a fifteen minute wait, and to text me as soon as he was on the bus.
And then I asked myself, should I just get in the car and pick him up? He was a ten minute drive away. We could tackle this another day.
He hadn’t sounded scared. A little worried, maybe, but not scared. No car. No saving him.
After fifteen minutes I couldn’t help myself. I called him. “Mom, the bus isn’t here yet. I just want to come home.” Now he sounded…not scared, but defeated. He’d been so excited to do this commute alone and he’d messed it up on the first try, and he sounded done.
“Wait, there’s the bus!!! See you at home.”
Phew. OK. No saving. When he got home I showed him the route. I explained how he was getting on the bus near our house on a one-way street, but his school was on a two-way street, so he had to make sure he was going in the right direction. I was kicking myself. Why would I expect him to just know this, having never ridden a bus? I had let his enthusiasm cloud my judgment a little bit.
Which brings us to today. He was trying the trip to school solo for the first time. The night before at dinner we’d impressed up him the importance of texting us when he got to school, every day. It was the last thing I told him as he left the house this morning.
I got out of the shower at 7:50 fully expecting to see a text on my phone from him, and my heart dropped into my stomach when I saw that there wasn’t one.
I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t want to call him. If he was sitting in class and had forgotten to turn the ringer off, he would get in big trouble. I decided to get dressed and call the school. They were nice, but explained that the attendance office wouldn’t get the attendance sheets until 9am. OK, thanks, I told them, not sure what else to do. Should I ask them to go to his room and check? Did I really want to be that parent?
Jake is forgetful. Last year, when he started walking his sister home from school, he forgot her three times in the first two weeks. It became a running joke. But after a few times of walking all the way back to school to get her, he got it. He never forgot again. So was this that? Was this Jake just forgetting, despite the reminders? Probably.
But what if it wasn’t? What if something horrible happened, and I lost an hour of doing something about it waiting for the attendance sheets? What if something terrible was happening to him right that moment and I could have stopped it if I hadn’t waited until 9am?
This was so much worse than him taking the wrong bus. Then I was in contact with him. Now I was just left wondering.
I calmed myself down. He was at school, I was sure of it. I got Fiona to school and set off on my bike for an event in lower Manhattan. I tried not to think about 9am, but of course that’s all I could think about. When the time to call rolled around I was on the Manhattan Bridge, which has a very narrow two-way bike lane with no place to safely stop. As soon as I got off, I called. After what seemed like forever, the nice woman on the phone told me that Jake’s class had 100% attendance. He was there.
Of course he was.
He finally texted me at 1pm, letting me know that he’d forgotten to text. Uh, yeah! I let him know how worried sick we’d been, how we’d called the school. I’ll let him know again when he gets home. Several times.
I set up a locator for his phone. He still has to text me each day, but this will be a little peace-of-mind back-up in case he forgets, and will be helpful if he gets lost. But I don’t want to use it. I don’t want it to become a crutch. When I was growing up it was on me to let my parents know where I was. Once I left the house, that was it – they had no way to contact me. And while I know technology has changed, I still want Jake to have that same sense of responsibility.
There’s a part of me that almost wishes I hadn’t answered his first text when he couldn’t find the bus stop. He has to figure this stuff out. On the other hand…I’m his mom. It’s hard to just stand by and watch him flail, even if it’s for his own good.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Brooklyn, commute, middle school
New School, New Independence
Sep 7, 2012 Kids
Jake on the bus, pretending he doesn’t know me
Jake started middle school yesterday. You may remember that we were struggling with a choice between a huge school that had a commute but was well established, and a tiny school that was on our corner but brand new. Pretty much everybody advised that we go with the smaller, closer school. That was my first choice too. But my husband was almost totally against it. Ultimately, we gave the choice to Jake, and in a move I found surprising, he chose the bigger school.
I will say that I was gracious. I didn’t complain, I didn’t try to talk him out of it. I don’t think my husband would have acted quite as well if Jake had chosen the new school. But it was what it was. Now I just had to figure out his commute.
I know lots of parents who take their kids to middle school, and that’s just not for me. I don’t want to give up two hours of my day helping my son do something that he’s perfectly capable of doing himself. But I did assume that I’d spend the first couple of weeks taking the bus with him, until he got used to it. And since his new school starts a lot earlier than the one his sister still attends, that would mean dragging her out of the house with us at seven in the morning. Ugh.
Luckily, my husband was able to take Fiona in this week. Yesterday morning, Jake and I got out the door on time. We waited for the bus. He told me not to sit with him or talk to him. And at first I complied. But as I watched him playing games on his phone and not paying attention, I became the kind of parent I really can’t stand. I was constantly bugging him to get his head out of his phone, pay attention to the route, to where the stops were, to where the other kids were getting off. Looking back I’m surprised he didn’t tell me to shut up.
As we waited for the school to open (yes, I waited with him, which totally mortified him) I told him to meet me after school at a certain corner so that we could figure out the commute home. I got there at the appointed time and he walked up with two friends from his old school, and said casually “Hey, I’m taking the bus home with these guys. You didn’t have to come.” Um, not so fast. I quizzed the other two on where Jake had to get off, and made sure he had his metro card, and then we parted ways, him to the bus and me to the subway to get my daughter. And he made it home just fine. I know, because I texted him and bugged him until he got there.
He wanted to do the commute completely alone today, but I insisted on one more ride with him. I sat across from him and we didn’t speak, didn’t even make eye contact, but this time it was my idea. I’d warned him that if he missed his stop, I wasn’t going to say anything. I sat there silently as he pressed the button for the wrong stop, hesitated, realized it was too early, and sat back down. And I hopped off after him when he picked the right one. I gave him a quick, non-mortifying goodbye, and told him to text me as soon as he got home. And that was that. What I had hoped would take only two weeks, he had compressed into a day and a half.
I know he’ll get lost sometime soon. He’ll get on the wrong bus, or miss his stop. Or he’ll miss a bus and decide to take the subway instead, and take it the wrong way. It’s going to happen. And someone out there will tell me that maybe he’s not old enough to handle it. If it’s someone I like, I’ll tune them out. If it’s not…I may tell them to fuck off. Because we’re not letting our children make mistakes anymore, and it’s hurting them. It’s compromising their ability to figure things out, to get back on the right track when something doesn’t go according to plan.
I also know that my attitude of letting him test his growing independence will be thrown back in my face if something unthinkable happens. Several adults have been killed crossing the street in our neighborhood in recent years, and this terrifies me. Nobody questions why those adults were allowed to cross the street by themselves. Yet we’re keeping our children closer for longer under the misguided assumption that if something goes wrong, then we were at fault for letting them do whatever it was they were doing.
My daughter is pushing to walk to school alone now, and while I’m glad she wants the responsibility, she’s simply not ready by any objective measure. She doesn’t know her way around the neighborhood, and still spaces out while crossing streets. But that day is coming within the next couple of years, so it’s my job to get her ready. This stuff is supposed to happen gradually, not all at once as a kid goes off to high school and the parents suddenly realize that they can’t take the child to school and still get to work on time. Or even worse, when a kid goes off to college without ever having done anything on his own.
So, every day around the same time I will be waiting anxiously for my son to get home, to know that he’s safe for another day. Letting my children grow up at a pace that’s right for them is completely nerve-wracking. But it’s a big scary world out there, and I’m glad that I have kids who are pushing to explore it, instead of begging me to keep them safe and close always.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: commute, independence, middle school
