Yesterday I started a new eating plan. I looked at everything I’ve done in the past year or so that worked. My most successful weight loss plan was the one where I ate very low carb/low cal two days a week, moderately four days a week, and whatever I wanted one day a week. So if it was so successful, why did I quit? The constant calorie counting. The amount of food was doable, but counting every calorie – especially when cooking a lot – gets old really fast.
But then on Sunday, I read a book that I’d seen on GMA a few days before, The FastDiet (it really did take just part of one day – there isn’t enough in there for a whole book so it’s beefed up with menu plans, calorie lists and testimonials, but the information is good). And I decided to try the two-day-a-week low calorie aspect of what had worked for me, without the low carb part and – most importantly – without counting any calories the other five days.
I’m doing some other small things too (I’ll go into them in a future post), but this is the cornerstone of my new plan: 500 calories on Mondays and Thursdays, whatever on the other days. 500 calories is not a lot. But the way my brain works, I suspect it will be easier to torture myself for two days every week than to try to be moderate and keep track the majority of the time. We’ll see. Because finding a way to lose weight is pretty easy – I’ve found probably half a dozen that worked for me. But if they’re not sustainable, they’re pretty pointless.
So, how did my first “fast day” go? Inspired by Stimey’s quest to give up Diet Coke, I kept a diary. (But don’t expect me to give up Diet Dr Pepper any time soon – as you can see, it’s pretty much the only thing that got me through the fast day!) I’m restricting my eating on the fast days to between noon and 8pm – again, I’ll go into why in a future blog post.
6:05am: Jake wakes me up. My first thought is “Damn, I can’t just start eating when I get downstairs.” I am sad.
6:15am: Make Jake’s lunch. Wonder why the hell I made fresh bread last night knowing I couldn’t have any this morning. It smells sooooooo good. Stupid stupid stupid. Do not lick the knife after making Jake’s peanut butter sandwich. Harder than child birth. Drink a Diet Dr Pepper.
6:45am: Send Jake off to school and climb under the covers for another hour of sleep. Growling stomach keeps me awake. WTF, stomach? Half the time I don’t eat breakfast before eating with Fiona at 8, so are you just doing this because you know it’s a fast day? Not fair!
8am: Have The Ass take my fasting blood glucose level with a little thing that stabs your finger. It takes him THREE freaking tries. Immediately want to eat a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.
8:45am: Drop Fiona off at school and go to the store for apples, strawberries, and hummus. Nix the white bean hummus because it’s 20 calories more per serving. When you only have 500 calories to work with, every one counts. Thank God I only have to worry about this twice a week.
9:29am: Finish my second Diet Dr Pepper of the day. Wish I could say that it’s because of the fasting, but this is normal. Tell myself I’ll have water next.
9:32am: Open a third Diet Dr Pepper.
9:40am: Open fridge and stare longingly at the cottage cheese. Not the leftover baked ziti, not the giant hunk of blue cheese, but the cottage cheese. Probably because I know I can have some later, as opposed to the other foods which will have to wait until tomorrow. So, not total torture. Just a delay.
9:45am: Boil a couple of eggs in case I want them later. Thinking egg salad maybe.
10am: Drink a glass of water. Wonder why the hell I don’t like water infused with lemon or rose petals or whatever other stupid things people are always telling me to put in water.
10:02am: Stare at the cottage cheese again.
10:28am: Look through the freezer for what I’m going to eat for dinner, so that I can figure out what to have before that. Decide on an Amy’s Spinach Pocket, at 280 calories. Usually eat those as a snack, not a meal.
11:32am: Tweet this
I get to eat in 28 minutes. Not that I’m obsessing or anything.
— SelfishMom (@SelfishMom) March 4, 2013
11:53am: Start washing strawberries in anticipation of noon.
12pm: Start eating strawberries the moment the clock changes to noon. Ponder the fact that it wasn’t exactly hunger that made the morning seem so long, but just the thought of food.
12:08pm: Finish eating a hard-boiled egg. Lick every grain of salt from my fingers. Still hungry. Take a Fucothin, drink a glass of water, and open another Diet Dr Pepper.
12:15pm: Realize I’m not really hungry anymore, and yet I still want to eat ALL OF THE THINGS!!!
1:07pm: Stomach just growled – hungry again already. Told it to shut up. If I eat more now I’ll regret it later.
1:30pm: Weigh an apple. Realize I can’t fit one in today unless I give something else up. Also can’t eat the hummus. Basically went to the store this morning for the five strawberries I ate at noon.
1:35pm: Consider swapping out the cottage cheese for the apple, but remember how happy dairy makes me.
1:59pm: Figure out the exact combination of light dressing and green leaf lettuce that will allow me to have a 33 calorie salad. Kill me now.
2:09pm: Mistakenly think I accidentally deleted 50 videos from my hard drive. Want pasta. Drink another Diet Dr Pepper.
2:10pm: Remember we have baby dill pickles in the fridge. Low cal, tangy, delicious pickles. Search fridge for five minutes before remembering that I finished them last month and forgot to put them on the shopping list. Idiot.
2:16pm: Add pickles to Fresh Direct order.
2:20pm: Remember that pickles are loaded with sodium and might not really be 5 calories per serving and take them off of Fresh Direct order and OMG, why is my mouth watering?
2:30pm: Remind myself that I did not get chubby eating pickles even if the calorie count is wrong and add them back to the order.
2:38pm: Tidy up kitchen. Find plastic bag that used to have garlic bread in it. Stick my head in and take a giant whiff before throwing it out.
2:45pm: Start to reconsider spinach pocket for dinner. Think about the GIANT salad – with croutons – that I could have for 280 calories. But Amy’s Spinach Pockets are soooo good.
2:50pm: Pick my daughter up from school. Don’t think about food the entire time I’m out of the house. Occurs to me that perhaps five feet from my kitchen is not the best place to work on fast days.
3:30pm: Eat my 33 calorie salad. Wonder how rabbits live like this, then remind myself that they don’t even get the two teaspoons of dressing that I have. Being a rabbit must suck ass. Take a Fucothin and drink a glass of water.
3:40pm: Feel physically full, but still want all of the food.
4:15pm: Take my daughter to dance class. Little boy sitting next to me starts to eat a baguette sandwich. I start daydreaming about what would happen if I just leaned over and took a bite.
6:04pm: Back home. Wondering if I will really make it until 7:30 when we usually have dinner. Wondering if it even makes sense to wait that long. Contemplate eating my dinner an hour before the kids eat theirs.
6:21pm: As the clock ticks closer to my last meal of the day I feel pretty good. I mean, I’m hungry, and I would eat an entire pizza if it were set in front of me. But physically, I don’t feel like I’ve only had 220 calories so far today. No lightheadedness or dizziness, not feeling sleepy, and my stomach hasn’t grumbled for hours. For some reason it gets easier as the day goes on, not harder. Or maybe I’m just delirious.
6:34pm: Open a jar of peanut butter and breath deeply for about 15 seconds.
6:42pm: Reach into freezer, take out dinner, put it back, drink a glass of water.
7:18pm: Eat the spinach pocket (actually manage to eat it slowly and enjoy it). It’s the tastiest thing EVER. Want to eat twenty. Take a Fucothin and drink a glass of water.
7:20pm: Start making the kids’ grilled cheeses. Curse them for being young and thin.
7:25pm: While putting the spinach pocket package in the recycling notice that it actually contains 260 calories, not 280. Feel like a death row inmate who has just gotten a call from the governor. Do some middle school math to figure out how many chocolate chips make up twenty calories.
7:28pm: Eat eight chocolate chips and open up a Diet Dr Pepper.
7:45pm: Clean up dinner table. Smell the leftover grilled cheese. Offer it to my husband, because grilled cheese should NEVER BE THROWN OUT! He doesn’t want it. I put it down the garbage disposal immediately. Something inside of me dies.
8:10pm: Climb into bed with my laptop to get some work done. Feel full and, considering I’m not stuffed, rather satisfied. Can still taste chocolate in my teeth. Feels good to be a couple of floors away from the kitchen.
9:51pm: Go to bed. Will get eight glorious hours of sleep tonight. A little hungry, but no more so than on a normal night when I don’t snack after dinner. Look forward to eating tomorrow.
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