I’m currently working on SelfishMom.com from home, plus I occasionally update its little often-ignored step-sister, Behind the Screen. I frequently throw quick picture and video posts up on Pics & Vids. If you need me you can probably find me on Twitter, but here are some other contact options.
Working Mother recently named me one of the fifteen most powerful moms in social media. I’m trying hard not to abuse that power. In 2010 I was named Funniest Mom on Twitter by Babble.com, something that haunts me every time I post a tweet (OMG, is it funny? Am I funny? THE PRESSURE!). My writing has appeared in Redbook and on RedbookMag.com, and has been syndicated nationally. I’m really fortunate to be able to work with a lot of great companies and post on a lot of great sites.
I spend the rest of my time avoiding housework and not paying attention to my children raising independent, self-sufficient children. I have no interest in spending all day on the playground (playgrounds are for kids!), and I don’t believe that my children should be the center of my life, even though they’re the most important thing in it. (Yes, I realize that makes no sense, but it couldn’t be more true.) We’re all in this together, but I was here first.
That’s not to say that I don’t love my kids to death, but honestly, I wish being a mom was a five-day-a-week job. With mandatory spa breaks and six weeks of vacation a year. When they have kids they’ll understand.
My husband (“The Ass”) is a lawyer who always wanted to be, well, anything else. He still dreams of someday leaving his job to open a business, but between me and the kids and the house, his dreams should be dead soon. He’s stuck where he is, but trust me, there are worse places to be. We fight bicker a lot, but we’re careful not to say things we don’t mean and have somehow lasted since 1989. I give him a lot of crap and take him for granted sometimes, but in general he’s a great guy who is probably too good for me. But ask me tomorrow and I’ll tell you I’m too good for him. He hates it when I write about him, so if he appears in a post you know I’m risking an ass-kicking (or at least some serious eye-rolling and whining).
Our son Jake is eleven, and is hilarious. He can also be bitingly rude and maddening, but deep down he really wants to make people happy. And despite his size and toughness, he’s actually really sweet (and a little naive). He tends to lie about stupid stuff (not washing his hands, telling us he only had one brownie), but is very trustworthy with the big stuff, and very responsible for a kid his age. He fights with his sister whenever possible, but worries about her more than his dad and me combined. He also gets very protective of her when I’m mad at her in a way that makes my heart melt.
Jake loves math, music (both playing and listening to), reading, skateboarding, and video games.
Our daughter Fiona is eight, and she’s the one I worry about. She’s the one who is likely to stack chairs on top of each other to climb onto the counter to get to the giant jar of gummy vitamins, which she insists are candy. She’s the one who may eventually set the house on fire because she thought it would look cool. She’s devilish. She’s also blond and cute as a button, and has a way of smiling at you when she’s caught doing something bad that makes you want to get her an agent, not give her a punishment.
Fiona wakes up in the morning smiling and singing (seriously, you expect to walk into her room and see cartoon mice and birds dressing her). She loves Barbies, Silly Bandz, all of the Disney Princesses, every Nickelodeon and Disney Channel tween show ever produced, writing, drawing, and most of all dancing.
Why “Selfish Mom”?
I named this blog Selfish Mom because my first ten choices were already taken. But trust me, it fits. And that’s a good thing. I hate it when I see moms completely lose themselves in motherhood, as though their lives before having kids didn’t matter and their only purpose now is as martyrs. Martyrs don’t make good moms. Know who makes a good mom? A happy woman.
So, I make sure to take time for myself when I need it. And I don’t feel guilty about that one bit. I’m selfish with my time and selfish with my own personal space. I highly recommend it.
Some things you should know about me
I can argue a point all day and night, until you either convince me or give up, or the chair I’m sitting on catches fire. I like a good argument. Don’t take it personally, but don’t expect me to back down either. Unless I discover that you’re too dumb to debate, then I won’t waste my time. I said I like a good argument.
I’m an unapologetic atheist who sings in a church choir. I find Family Guy and Fark.com hilarious, so that should give you some idea of my sense of humor.
I’m a democrat. Most of what I know about politics I learned from West Wing, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Rachel Maddow, and Countdown with Keith Olbermann. The rest I learned from my husband, who is way smarter than I am (but don’t tell him I said that).
I’m a vegetarian, but not “that” kind of vegetarian. You won’t find me at any PETA rallies or giving you dirty looks for eating meat. But you may find me making hot dogs for my kids or meatballs for The Ass (I’m told they’re awesome). I hate mushrooms and tofu, which makes being a vegetarian a little more challenging.
I don’t drink alcohol, although I’ve almost been driven to it on occasion by my family. I’ve never smoked a cigarette or tried any kind of illegal drug.
You should assume that anything I write or say is sarcastic unless there’s some indication otherwise. Sarcasm is hard to pull off online, but it’s the only way I know how to communicate.
Someday, I will get organized. Someday, I will lose fifty forty
fifty-five sixty-five THIRTY!!! pounds. Someday, I will arrange all of my old pictures into albums, learn to knit more than scarves, write a novel and learn Italian. Until then, I’m doing this.