About Me
I’m a work-at-home mom with another blog, Filming In Brooklyn. I also write for examiner.com, the NYC Moms Blog, NY Metropolista, and brownstoner.com. And I’m the NYC content editor for Famplosion.com.
I spend the rest of my time not doing laundry, not washing dishes trying to live up to a housework agreement I recently made with my husband, and not paying attention to my children. I have no interest in spending all day on the playground, and I don’t believe that my children should be the center of my life. We’re all in this together, but I was here first.
That’s not to say that I don’t love them to death, but honestly, I wish being a mom was a five-day-a-week job. With mandatory spa breaks and six weeks of vacation a year. When they have kids they’ll understand.
My husband (”The Ass”) is a lawyer who always wanted to be, well, anything else. He still dreams of someday leaving his job to open a business, but between me and the kids and the house, his dreams should be dead soon. He’s stuck where he is, but trust me, there are worse places to be. We fight bicker a lot, but we’re careful not to say things we don’t mean and have somehow lasted for 20 years (we dated for 9 years before we got married; yes, we met young). I give him a lot of crap and take him for granted sometimes, but in general he’s a great guy who is probably too good for me. But ask me tomorrow and I’ll tell you I’m too good for him.
Our son Jake is eight, and is hilarious. He can also be bitingly rude and maddening, but deep down he really wants to make people happy. And despite his size and toughness, he’s actually really naive and sweet. He tends to lie about stupid stuff (not washing his hands, telling us he only had one brownie), but is very trustworthy with the big stuff, and very responsible for a kid his age. He fights with his sister whenever possible, but worries about her more than The Ass and me combined. He also gets very protective of her when I’m mad at her in a way that makes my heart melt.
Our daughter Fiona is five, and she’s the one we worry about. She’s the one who is likely to stack chairs on top of each other to climb onto the counter to get to the giant jar of gummy vitamins, which she insists are candy. She’s the one who may eventually set the house on fire because she thought it would look cool. She’s devilish. She’s also blond and cute as a button, and has a way of smiling at you when she’s caught doing something bad that makes you want to get her an agent, not give her a punishment.
Our house is a character in our lives at the moment. A few years ago we sold our nice, plain, boring 2-bedroom condo and bought a 150-year-old brownstone. Our renovation, which should have taken a year tops, is now at three years and counting. We’ve run out of renovation money and are waiting for some to fall from the sky. In the meantime, we’re living on three of the four floors, which are in various states of completeness. The other floor is used for storage.
Some things you should know about me: I can argue a point all day and night, until you either convince me or give up, or the chair I’m sitting on catches fire. I like a good argument. Don’t take it personally.
I’m an unapologetic atheist who sings in a church choir. I find Family Guy and Fark.com hilarious, so that should give you some idea of my sense of humor. I think Bill Maher is an asshole 50% of the time but right 90% of the time. Most of what I know about politics I learned from West Wing, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report. The rest I learned from my husband, who is way smarter than me (but don’t tell him I said that).
I’m a vegetarian, but not “that” kind of vegetarian. You won’t find me at any PETA rallies or giving you dirty looks for eating meat. But you may find me making meatballs for The Ass.
You should assume that anything I write or say is sarcastic unless there’s some indication otherwise. Sarcasm is hard to pull off online, but it’s the only way I know how to communicate.
Someday, I will get organized. Someday, I will lose fifty forty pounds. Someday, I will become comfortable with who I am and learn to just be myself 24/7. Until then, I’m doing this.
