Do we expect too little of our children?
Nov 4, 2011 Kids
On the days when Jake (10) and Fiona (7) get out of school at the same time, Jake is supposed to bring Fiona home. This just makes sense to me. There’s absolutely no reason for me to walk to the school and get Fiona when her brother is already there. This routine went fine until last week, when Jake forgot.
He was on the couch taking his shoes off, expecting me to go out and correct his mistake, when I ordered him to go get her.
This morning, the last thing I said to him was to remember to bring his sister home. I even gave him a dollar to buy her an icee on the way. So when he came home without her again I was pissed. I told him to run, and apologize to her all the way home.
While he was on his way back to the school, I got a call from my next door neighbor, Ann, that she had Fiona with her. She’d picked her up when she got her own kids. I called the school and told them Jake would be looking for his sister, and to send him home.
When Ann dropped Fiona off, I casually mentioned that Jake had forgotten twice in a row, and Ann said “Well, maybe it’s too much for him.” I thought for a second, smiled, and said “No it isn’t.” And it’s not. The fact that he messed it up doesn’t mean it’s too much, it means he needs to work harder at it.
This is not much different than when he forgets a textbook. Sure, I hate to burden the school with Fiona for an extra twenty minutes while we sort this out, but Jake has to learn how to handle these things. If we have to work on a strategy to help him remember, we will, but taking the responsibility away from him would be the easy way out.
It makes me sad how little we trust our kids these days. I came across this excerpt on Free Range Kids, one of my favorite websites. It was from a checklist of milestones, printed in 1979, to help you figure out if your child was ready for first grade. From riding a bike without training wheels to knowing left from right, it’s pretty standard stuff, until you get to number eight:
8. Can he travel alone in the neighborhood (four to eight blocks) to store, school, playground, or to a friend’s home?
Now, I like to think of myself as a fairly free-range parent, and I definitely didn’t let my kids roam around the neighborhood alone at six years old. But the fact that many ten-year-olds I know can’t go to the store by themselves or to the playground without an adult makes me really sad.
I blame Nancy Grace. I blame all of the news channels. I blame the internet. There is so much space to fill, and news items about children being harmed are likely to get noticed, so they are all covered to such an extent that you would think children are being snatched off of every street corner all the time, that if you so much as turn your back your child will be gone. Tragedies do happen, but they really are rare. Getting struck by lightening rare. But you wouldn’t know it from the news.
Children don’t grow up in giant jumps. Kids don’t suddenly gain the ability to be responsible when they go off to college. They grow up gradually, as we release our grips on them little by little, letting them see what they can do. Did I know how to handle every eventuality when my parents started leaving me home alone with my little sisters? Of course not. You can’t prepare a child for every situation. But what you can do is teach them how to think for themselves, how to figure things out.
And when they screw up, they’ll learn from that too. When Jake got home today (the second time) he was near tears. I don’t know if he was more mad at himself for forgetting or more scared of getting a punishment, but the point is, he knew he screwed up. And that feeling will hopefully stay with him next time he has to remember something. And then when he doesn’t screw it up, he gets to feel another thing: pride.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Kids, responsiblity, school
Today’s Agenda: Wolverine edition
Oct 6, 2011 Today's Agenda
I feel like I’m already halfway through my day, and it’s only 6:30am. I had to get Jake to school at 5:30 for a trip to DC. Fun.
So a few weeks ago I published a “blogger pledge” on my little behind-the-scenes blogging blog. Number one was to not miss any deadlines. Well, I fell asleep trying to finish a post last night. So I’ve officially broken that pledge. Crap. And I have a full day today so I’m not sure when I’ll be able to finish it.
Other than that though, I have a fun day ahead. I’ll be starting it off meeting [whispering] Hugh Jackman. Why am I whispering? Because the dates and times of this have changed several times, so I’m not going to assume that it’s actually happening until I’m face-to-face with Wolverine himself. I saw Hugh Jackman a few years ago on Broadway in A Steady Rain, which I keep calling Three Days of Rain. I’ve also been referring to him as Hugh Grant all week. I’m going to try not to do either of those things today.
Speaking of Wolverine, I have a hair removal appointment today. It will be my second session of electrolysis, as well as my second session of laser hair removal. The electrolysis is going great, except for the fact that leading up to an appointment I have to let the hair grow in. So, at this point my eyebrows look like they need weeding, and there are more stray hairs around other parts of my face than I care to admit. But at least electrolysis gives instant results.
As for the laser hair removal, I can’t say I’ve really seen a difference yet. I’m not discouraged though. I was waxing up until about three weeks before my first treatment, so I’m guessing that there was a whole lot of hair not affected by the first treatment that’s just growing in now. I am hoping to see some results after this second treatment.
Then, this evening I’ll be attending my first middle school fair. I have no idea what to do about middle school for Jake, and only have two months to decide where to apply. I’m trying not to freak out about it. I’ll let you know how that goes.
Mostly, I’ll be spending the day trying to not fall asleep in the middle of meetings. I’m much more impressive when conscious.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Hugh Jackman, laser hair removal, school
Today’s Agenda: I wish I drank coffee edition
Oct 3, 2011 Today's Agenda
The kids & I got into Brooklyn last night a little after 11. Only for my friend Julia Beck would I then be up again early enough for an 8:30am event on the UES.
But I’m excited to hear the wonderful speakers, including the fabulous Liz Lange, Joanne Bamburger, and Kimberly Seals Allers, at the Museum of Motherhood.
After that it’s off to Target to buy gym pants for Jake, who went to school today in shorts, because I couldn’t find any sweatpants for him this morning that remotely fit. I was able to see my breath outside when I left the house, and he’s in shorts. I’m expecting a call from the principal, followed by my Mother of the Year nomination.
Then? Oh, all of the usual craziness that follows being out of town, but times ten since I have a very busy week ahead. School trips and middle school application stuff and PTA volunteer work, deadlines, an exciting meeting with a certain Hollywood A-lister…you know, the usual. :-)
Enjoy your Monday!
Originally posted on Selfish Mom, from Amy’s cell phone (so please excuse any weird formatting). All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: school
Today’s Agenda: Full night’s sleep edition
Sep 15, 2011 Today's Agenda
So on Sunday I declared on twitter that I was going to get to bed by midnight every night for a week, and see what it’s like not to walk around like a zombie. That night I got to bed at 2am. The next night I think I did a little better, around 1:30am. Then another 2am. Last night, finally, I climbed into bed at 11:15pm & slept like a rock until my alarm went off at seven. Of course, I’m still exhausted. But I’m going to try to keep this up until I’m not.
I’m feeling very energized today, though. I don’t have anywhere to be, and after having a productive day yesterday I don’t feel quite so much like I’m drowning in deadlines. What I do need to do, though, is spend about two hours going through emails. Plus, I went to an electronics show last night and have several new products to tell you about!
I signed Fiona up for after-school classes this morning. We went over the brochure together and she picked which classes she wanted to take. She loves these classes, and I love them more because they’re right at her school – it extends my work day by about two hours, for way less money than a sitter would charge.
But I’m sitting here right now thinking about her homework. She’s in second grade now, and it’s been taking her a couple of hours to complete her homework. That will get faster as she gets more used to the routine of it, but still, I’ve now shortened her evenings by two hours. Plus, she has to tag along whenever I take Jake to Tae Kwon Do. I think I see a lot of car-based homework in her future. Not sure how that’s going to work out.
OK, time to be productive! (I hope.)
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Today’s Agenda: wrong foot edition
Sep 8, 2011 Today's Agenda
So today is the first day of school for my kids. Last night at around 1:30am, after catching up on a bunch of other stuff, I finally started getting the kids’ stuff together for school. I had actually gotten a jump on their school supplies about a month ago, when I didn’t have their lists yet, and I did fairly well. I guessed right on about half of it, like notebooks and folders and pencils and some other accessories. The rest I just ordered from Staples. The school will survive if they bring the rest of their stuff in on Monday.
What I didn’t notice, however, the first time I read Jake’s supply list a few weeks ago, was that he was supposed to bring in a one-to-two page biography of himself. So instead of relaxing for the last twenty minutes before his first day back, he was frantically scrambling to get this first assignment done. He got about half a page written before I had to drag him out the door. So now he’ll be starting off on the wrong foot with his new teacher, through no fault of his own.
I hung around school for about an hour helping to sell gym uniforms, which was a mob scene. And now, I’m going back to bed. Three-and-a-half hours of sleep will not cut it. Don’t call, don’t ring the bell!
Later tonight I’ll be heading out to a Fashion Week event hosted by Lenovo. Up until now I’ve avoided all Fashion Week events, because they fall at a bad time of year and the more distance between me and models, the better. But I can’t resist tech events, so off I’ll go, probably dressed in something less than fashionable. Here’s hoping I don’t have to stand next to anyone thinner than a pencil.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: fashion week, Kids, school
Today’s Agenda: Almost back-to-school edition!
Sep 7, 2011 Today's Agenda
So this morning I slept in until after ten while my kids amused themselves. And as happy as I am that they start school again tomorrow, I’ll be a little sad to give up the schedule I’ve had for the last few weeks. First they were at sleepaway camp for a week and I had, basically, no schedule. Then they were in Florida with The Ass and, again, no schedule. The kids and I just got back last night from a trip to visit family in Kansas, and we all slept in each morning until about 9am central time. It was glorious. But now it’s over. Sniff.
Last year I admit I slacked off a bit too much when it came to school mornings. I’d let my husband wake the kids up and get them started, and then I’d finally roll out of bed around 8am, just in time to make sure they’d had some sort of breakfast, were dressed in the right clothes, and had their bags packed. It was fine, but didn’t totally work for me. For one thing, the last couple hours of sleep weren’t good. I would get woken up repeatedly by the sounds of the rest of the house getting ready. Also, my day didn’t really get started until I got back from dropping them off, around 9am. Too much time wasted.
So, this year, I’m going to try to get up at seven every morning. That extra hour should get things running smoother. Starting tomorrow. Again, sniff.
As for today, I have to organize their school supplies. I took a guess based on past years and bought a bunch of supplies a month ago. Whatever I’m still missing I’ll order online. There’s no way I’m going anywhere near an office-type store the first week of school in NYC. I’ve done that before. It’s just not worth it.
Also, I’ll be posting a really excellent podcast from The Blogging Angels. We were lucky enough to snag the fabulous Lisa Belkin as our guest for this episode. In case you don’t know Lisa, she writes The Motherlode blog for the New York Times. It’s one of my absolute favorite columns online.
Other than that, the usual post-trip stuff. Staring at the suitcase and wondering why it isn’t walking itself up the stairs. Using someone else’s toothbrush because mine is still packed. You know, the usual.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. This post has a Compensation Level of 0. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.
Tags: Blogging Angels, Kids, school, Travel
My son’s new teacher may hate me already
Sep 8, 2010 What's Going On
My kids are starting school tomorrow. Actually it’s today, because I’m up very late. I’m just getting around to really looking at the letters their new teachers sent a few weeks ago. I mean, I skimmed them when they came in, but then I set them aside for later. Doesn’t get much later than this.
Fiona will be fine tomorrow. She’s got a list of supplies to bring in, but it’s first grade so I’m fairly sure if I bring them in on Monday it will be cool. The only things mentioned for the first day for her are her favorite book (no problem) and a picture of her family holding that book (can probably wrangle at least three of us in the morning and print out a pic). But Jake, well, his letter specifically says that he needs his supplies the FIRST day. And yes, FIRST is in all caps. Shit.
The first day totally snuck up on me, which is ironic because I’ve been waiting for this day for weeks. But thanks to the schedule being bizarre this year, I never really considered the 8th of September the first day. We weren’t even sure we were going to go. There’s the first day, then FOUR days off. Really, in my head, the first day has always been Monday the 13th. So it didn’t seem like a big deal that I hadn’t done the school supply shopping yet. But there it is on Jake’s letter, in all caps.
I’m quite sure he won’t be the only kid in his class tomorrow without supplies, but that won’t make it any better. To add to it, he didn’t do any of the summer homework. To tell you the truth I’m not even sure he was aware that there was summer homework. There was a packet sent home at the end of the year, as there has been every year. And we’ve never done it. And nobody has ever said a thing. But his teacher mentions this packet in her letter as well. No caps, but still, it’s in there. So I can’t even claim I forgot. She reminded me.
This wasn’t forgetfulness or procrastination, though. This was a conscious decision on my part. My son got good grades last year, and his standardized test scores were fantastic. And once third grade ended I considered him done for the summer. Summer is for fun. Summer is for video games and playing outside and camp and yes, reading, but for fun, not for keeping track and logging. Out of ten weeks of summer Jake was in day camp for seven weeks, traveling for two, and home for one. There was absolutely no way after a full, long, exhausting day of camp I was going to make him sit down and do homework, no matter how little it was. I was not going to make him do it while traveling and visiting family. It’s my time off too.
So why is this an issue? Because besides my son learning how to read and write and think and get along with other people, I send him to school to learn respect. His school sent home a summer packet of homework and I told him it was OK to ignore it. His teacher sent a reminder and I ignored it. How can I reconcile my attitude toward summer homework with the values I’m trying to instill in him, of respecting his teachers and being responsible?
Frankly, I can’t. It’s just one of those things I’ll have to live with despite it making no sense in my head, like sneaking candy into a movie theater or going ten miles per hour over the speed limit on the thruway. If his teacher sends home a note or gives him a big problem, I’ll have him do the math homework over the four-day weekend. As far as the reading log goes, that’s just a lost cause. He read and re-read some of his favorite books this summer, purely for pleasure. I’m not sorry about that.
Soon enough, before he knows it, summer won’t be his anymore. He’ll have a summer job, and then someday just a job, one that doesn’t get summers off. For as long as I can get away with it, I’m keeping school and homework out of summer. I just hope if the teacher doesn’t like it, she understands that it was my decision, not his.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted. Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information. Amy also blogs at Filming In Brooklyn, Behind the Screen, and Momtourage.
Tags: school, summer homework
Dragging out the first day of school
Sep 4, 2008 What's Going On
I spend my days tracking down film and TV productions for my other blog, Filming In Brooklyn. I can do most of the running around during the day, while Pasta Boy and Munchkin are in camp or school. But the past month, between camp and school, has been rough. I’ve hired babysitters a couple of times when there were shoots that I just had to go to, like for Entourage. But for the most part, Filming In Brooklyn had to rely on other websites’ pictures for a few weeks. I’ve taken Pasta Boy along on a couple of shoots, with varying results. Rescue Me went great, because the real firemen on the set let Pasta Boy hang out in a real fire truck for almost the whole time we were here. But that L’Oreal commercial with Andie MacDowell? Not so much.
I mentioned on FIB a couple of times that things would be back to normal in September. Munchkin would be starting Pre-K, and for the first time ever I would have both of my kids in the same school. But I totally forgot about the first week phase-in for the Pre-K classes! Tuesday and Wednesday, she was only there for an hour and fifteen minutes. Thursday will be a little better, it’s a half day. Friday, finally, will be the first full day.
I don’t agree with this method. I know that the first day can be hard on kids (and teachers!) but I like the band-aid approach better: just rip the kids out of your arms, say a gentle but firm goodbye, and leave! Don’t drag it out, it just makes it harder on the kids. Trust me, they get better a few minutes after you leave.
And how do working parents handle this? Once school starts, it should really start, so that parents don’t have to disrupt their entire week. The kids will be fine! I suspect this process developed in a lot of schools because of some parents, who just couldn’t take it. But this is one of those times when I’m going to say, don’t be selfish! If your child is old enough to go to school, then you’re old enough to let her.
Originally posted on Selfish Mom
Tags: Andie MacDowell, Entourage, L'Oreal, pre-k, Rescue Me, school
