Selfish Mom

Alone on V-Day? Not quite

Feb 14, 2010 What's Going On

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Dear Jon,

I want to thank you for being with me this Valentine’s Day morning.  My husband is out of town with the kids, so if it weren’t for you I would’ve been alone.  And even though you didn’t make me breakfast in bed, you did keep me company while I made my egg-and-cheese sandwich, and you didn’t say a word about how it would look on my thighs.

I’m sorry I hadn’t seen you for a while, I’ve been busy.  I was traveling a lot.  But we got to catch up this morning!  For three-and-a-half glorious hours you told me stories and kept me laughing while I folded laundry and washed dishes.  Again, you didn’t help, but that’s OK.  Just keep me entertained and I won’t make you clean a thing.  Deal?

You’re always there for me, waiting to entertain me and keep me company, and even to teach me.  The way you can just sit down with anybody and treat them fairly is a great way to be, and I’ve tried to keep that in the back of my head as I’ve met people I completely disagree with.  Sometimes I just want to scratch their eyes out and run, but I know you wouldn’t behave that way, and wouldn’t like me if I did.  I’m a better person because of you.

Your self-deprecating humor and kindness keep me coming back to you, if not nightly, then at least four nights a week (c’mon, after more than 10 years that’s pretty damn good).  Sure, you repeat yourself sometimes, but what man doesn’t?  Even if you’ve said it all before, it’s still worth listening to.

But what I love most about you isn’t how funny you are, it’s who you make fun of: everybody.  You take shots in all directions, regardless of politics and beliefs, and I think that’s what makes you different from your harshest critics.  You kid because you love, and because you want things to be better.  It’s like when I punish my son and he says I hate him.  I punish because I love him and want him to learn.  You kid because you want things to improve.

I know what you’re thinking: how could I profess my love for you in such a public way when I’m married?  It’s OK, my husband understands.  Sometimes, he even joins in. In fact, he was there the one time you and I met.  It was brief, but electric, and I’ll cherish it always.

So my dear Jon, I’ll see you soon.  Let’s have a date, say, Monday night at 11?  I know we won’t be the only ones there, but I’ll take what I can get.  I love you enough to share.  And if you can’t make it, that’s OK: I’ve got Hulu.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom. All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted.  Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.

Jon Stewart is well-loved this Valentine’s Day.  I’m trying not to be jealous of his other affairs.  I mean, I knew there were others – his ratings are public, after all – but seeing it all written out is hard:

Heidi from Coast 2 Coast Mom wrote a Love Letter to Jon Stewart

April from It’s All About Balance wrote My love letter to Jon Stewart and The Daily Show

Kim from Hormone-Colored Days wrote her own Dear Jon letter

Tags: Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

And the Rippy goes to…

Jul 1, 2009 Funny

As I enter my sixth day of apathy towards a talented, troubled, but completely crazy and over-indulged singer’s death, Jon Stewart is helping me deal with my lack of grief.

As with every sad event that’s happened in recent years, The Daily Show, knowing that it would be crass to make fun of the actual deaths and suffering, takes shots at the media coverage.  Bravo.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom.  All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted.  Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.

Shop Amazon

Tags: Michael Jackson, The Daily Show, The Rippy Awards

Jason Jones made me choke on a pretzel

Jun 24, 2009 Funny

I haven’t posted anything from The Daily Show for a while.  It’s been consistently amusing, but nothing that jumped out as “Oh my God I have to share this with everyone I know or their lives will be incomplete.”  Until now.  I was simultaneously folding laundry, eating pretzels, and watching Jason Jones’ report from Iran, and I almost pulled a W., getting a piece of pretzel lodged in my throat from laughing out loud unexpectedly.  (If you’re curious, it was at the very very end.)

Why is making fun of Americans so much fun?

I feel really sorry for that one kid, you know which one I mean.  I blame his parents.  They need to stop talking about football around the dinner table and pick up a newspaper.  Hell, turn on the news during dinner.  TV during dinner would be better than whatever’s going on in that house already.

Not to say that I would have aced the quiz.  But come on.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom.  All opinions expressed on this website come straight from Amy unless otherwise noted.  Please visit Amy’s Full Disclosure page for more information.

Tags: Iran, Jason Jones, Jon Stewart, The Daily Show

Mike Huckabee: thoughtful, well-spoken, and wrong

Dec 10, 2008 What's Going On

When listening to the debate back and forth about gay marriage, it’s easy to take cheap shots at the homophobe with three teeth who’s afraid to catch “teh gay.” It’s easy to dismiss those types and assume that anyone who is fervently anti-gay marriage is dumb, or a religious nut, or crazy. Rarely do you see two people sit down and debate the issue intelligently, without yelling, without hysterics, without name calling, without needing a referee.

But last night on The Daily Show, Jon Stewart and Mike Huckabee did just that. Mike Huckabee is not stupid. He is definitely religious, but since I have a lot of religious friends who are way smarter than me, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s a nut (although a lot of evidence points that way). Two intelligent, successful, well-spoken people had a debate about gay marriage.

Jon Stewart still wiped the floor with Governor Huckabee, though. When you play your A game and still lose, it’s time to get out of the game.

Originally posted on Selfish Mom

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM – Th 11p / 10c

Tags: Jon Stewart, Mike Huckabee, The Daily Show

Randomosity

Nov 10, 2008 Randomosity

This is what’s been floating around in my head for the past week. I need to clear it out to make room for more.

***

Stephen Colbert on November 5th:

You see, for years we have crammed fear down your throat but this time you refused to swallow it.  We had big plans!  Last night we were going to harvest your bloated livers and make a delicious fear fois gras to be served at the McCain victory party.  And needless to say, when Obama won there were a lot of empty, disappointed crackers out there.

***

The fact that minority support for Obama may also have helped Proposition 8 pass in California is really unfortunate.  I think Jon Stewart put it best:

And if you like your injustice tinged with a little irony, enjoy! [news clip explaining that 69% support for Proposition 8 among black voters helped it pass] Ah, it appears the oppressee has become the oppressor. What’d that take, about twenty-four hours?  Free at last!  Free at last!  [picture of two men holding hands appears on screen] Whoa, whoa, where are you two going?

There’s a very defensive editorial on Huffington Post right now saying that blacks shouldn’t be blamed for Proposition 8’s passage.  I’m not blaming the 69% of blacks who voted for Proposition 8 (at least not completely).  I’m simply pointing out the insane irony.  If Obama were Hispanic, the irony award would have gone to Latinos.

Support for Proposition 8 was almost as strong among Latino voters.  The reasons why this is completely backward is voiced in this CNN commentary, much better than I could ever write it.

***

Last week I wore a hole in the thigh of my favorite jeans.  This is probably the most embarrassing place to get a hole.  Not that anyone could see it, but it’s humiliating.  I threw the jeans out as soon as the hole appeared (I knew it was coming for a long time; the fabric in that spot was getting thinner and thinner).  But the concept is embarrassing: that my thighs were rubbing together so much and causing so much friction that they actually made the fabric disappear.

After losing 25 pounds, I’ve been stuck at this weight for a year.  The jeans were a sign.  I wear jeans almost every day, and that was the only size 14 pair I liked.  I have the same exact jeans in a size 12, so I’m not buying another pair.  No favorite jeans until I fit into the size 12 pair.  All I have are the ones I’m wearing now, stretchy old-lady jeans with a very unflattering leg.  That should motivate me!

***

I’m all for recycling, but this is a bit ridiculous: used condoms being made into hairbands.  Gross in an understatement.  Read all about it on Snopes.

***

No matter how early I get up, no matter how organized I am, no matter when I have the kids get their shoes and hats and coats and gloves on, there is simply nothing I can do if my daughter decides that she has to poop ten minutes before school starts.

***

The good people at Nintendo heard me whining about not having a Nintendo DS, and they sent me one!  It’s a pretty pink one and while it came with two games (Mystery Case Files: MillionHeir, and Kirby Super Star Ultra), I’m really excited to try out some of the more adult games for the DS, like Flash Focus and Brain Age, and I’m especially interested in My Weight Loss Coach, which comes with a pedometer and helps you track your activities and progress.  I think I know what I want for Christmas!  And of course my daughter is dying to try My Baby Girl.

Thanks, Nintendo!

***

Originally posted on Selfish Mom

Tags: Brain Age, CNN, Flash Focus, Huffington Post, Jon Stewart, Kirby, MillionHeir, My Baby Girl, Nintendo DS, Proposition 8, Snopes, Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report, The Daily Show